Many women in business feel the pressure to act like men, communicate like men and even dress like men. Though more prevalent in traditionally male dominated industries – like finance and venture capital – there are women in every industry that feel this pressure. At some level, whether conscious of it or not, women believe if they want to get ahead, they need to look and act a certain way.
I am not saying the pressure isn’t real – don’t get me wrong. The problem is, by buying into it, we accommodate and wear masks. We can lose touch with who we really are because we believe our authentic self isn’t ok or enough.
Here’s something that happened last week.
I was meeting with a male friend of mine in San Francisco at the Four Seasons. There was an institutional investor conference going on at the hotel so the lobby was crowded. An attractive woman, in her early 30’s, walked past us. My very observant and astute friend said, “she looks a lot older than she is wearing that”. She was in a tweed suit – imagine Chanel like. I noticed that the suit was wearing her rather than the other way around. She looked like a mannequin – awkward and lifeless. Instantly, I said:
She’s wearing what she thinks she’s supposed to wear. Not what she wants to wear.
Why?
To Not Stand Out.
To Not Rock the Boat.
For Fear She Won’t be Taken Seriously.
To Fit In with the Ol’ Boys Club.
I don’t know if you can relate but I can. I remember the navy blue, double breasted, wool suit I wore in my 20’s! At the time, with my short bob, I thought I had it going on. Through experience and time, I’ve learned – in business and in life:
Show Up Authentically.
Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin.
Communicate Confidently and Clearly.
Wear What Makes You Feel Good and Right for the Situation.
Unless we start changing our behavior, nothing will change. We can’t expect men to change, old structures to change or the old boy network to change. Women need to courageously lead the change. If we want things to be different, whether at work or at home, we’ve gotta show up authentically, in our power, in our brilliance and grace. And ask for what we want and need. Once we fully step up and show up to ourselves, men will take our lead.
There’s no better version of yourself than the real YOU. Be Yourself – ALWAYS.
Realize the power you have – in all aspects of your life.
Btw, the word Courageous comes from the French word Coeur..which means Heart.
