Agendas, we all have them.
We were taught to create agendas, especially in our professional lives. I was at least. Agendas everywhere. Agendas for meetings, with clients, for certain outcomes. We learned that if we have a linear agenda, we would get the outcome we want. Agendas are synonymous with success.
Agendas may work in our careers but they don’t work in relationships.
When you have an agenda for a relationship, whether it’s with a friend, family member or romantic partner, you are pushing your wants, needs or fears onto the other person. Agendas are a way of trying to control the outcome. We’ve all been on the receiving end of someone who has an agenda. We can feel it. It feels like an expectation. It feels like a burden. It feels yucky.
So how to move out of the agenda trap? Ask yourself:
Am I caught up in what should happen or how it’s supposed to go? Shoulds are about expectations and will lead to disappointment, every time.
Is my primary focus to be reassured and get my needs met? Imagine you will get what you want. Take a deep breath and get present to what’s happening right now.
Am I focused on a specific outcome? Being laser focused on a goal robs us of fully engaging with the other person.
Clinging to an agenda keeps us in our heads, not in our hearts. Who wants that?
Ditch the agenda. Adios, buh-bye.
Open up to limitless possibilities, with every person, in every situation.
