by Amy Matthews | Nov 19, 2020 | Inspiration, Mindset |
Most high performers and I include myself in this category, expect a lot from themselves. Unrealistically so. We consistently overdo and over busy while at the same time, never feel ‘enough’. I see this across the board with my clients. As a recovered ‘hard on myself” master, I get it.
There isn’t a better time to release the mental chatter in our minds that doesn’t make us feel good or empowered. There isn’t a better time to start making permanent changes.
On that note, I am delighted to be published in an UpJourney article! It’s called “How to Not Beat Yourself Up.” My contribution is below.
How to Not Beat Yourself Up.
Across the board, women and men are hard on themselves. Especially high achievers. We live in a culture that worships perfection, overvalues how we look and perform and where playing the comparison game is the daily norm. Social media only makes matters worse. No wonder, many of us base our entire identity and on how others perceive us!
The truth is, we have lost our own sense of who we are and the ability to validate ourselves. No question, we all want to be loved and accepted. Yet, basing our entire self-worth on how others perceive us, is a disaster waiting to happen. There is no such thing as ‘perfect’. As we strive for the unattainable, feelings of unworthiness, anxiety, and self-doubt seep in – all contributors to low self-esteem.
So what to do about it? We learn to stop berating ourselves, comparing ourselves to others, and nix our expectations that cause disappointment and heartache. We learn to feel comfortable in our own skin and ultimately, become the authority of our own lives.
Ask yourself, “Why do I believe I need to be perfect?”
Perhaps like many of us, it was how we learned to get love as a small child. Ask yourself, then ask the question again. I bet you’ll get a different answer. You’ll recognize that you are loved for who you are – not only for what you accomplish or how you look.
Please stop the self-doubt talk
Doubting yourself and your actions are usually about what happened in the past. “Did I say the wrong thing?” Should I have said Yes?” “Was I Too Much?” Trust your intuition. Trust yourself and the decisions you make. If you focus on what’s happening right now, you can make a positive impact on the present and a difference in your future.
Release the judgment
Judgment only leads to negativity and an overly critical view of everything – the world, yourself, and all the people who truly matter to you. Judgment is heavy. It dilutes your precious energy. Instead, direct your energy into things that you love and inspire you.
Stop being your worst critic
Who are you to think less of yourself than others do? Belittling yourself is passe – it only keeps you small. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Make besties with your deliciously, imperfect self.
Let go of expectations of yourself
Expectations only create disappointment, especially if they aren’t met. Be open to how situations unfold. The outcome may be better than you imagined.
Try not to compare yourself or your life to others
The comparison game is usually played with someone you think has more or is doing more than you. Most likely, that isn’t true!
Let go of how you think you’re supposed to be
Instead of being and doing what you think you are supposed to be and do, claim who you really are. Your authentic self is your most powerful weapon.
Don’t let mistakes stop you in your tracks
We all make them. You are more than worthy and enough. Learn from your mistakes and try not to make them again.
We all deserve a break from being hard on ourselves. Pass this on to a friend or two – they will thank you for it.
You can read the entire UpJourney article “How to Stop Beating Yourself Up” here.
Tired of beating yourself up and ready to love yourself more? Schedule a FREE clarity call with me here and to get your first step towards becoming your best self.
by Amy Matthews | Nov 10, 2020 | In-Power |
It’s been a monumental few days. Many of us are feeling exhausted, elated, or a combination of both. I have to say, I had a BIG sigh of relief after hearing Biden won the election. I am feeling hopeful again.
Yet, others are feeling despair.
It’s hard to ignore when 50% of our country has an opposing view of our own. It’s a wake-up call. To put it in perspective, what if 50% of your company, team, family, non-profit or other organization you’re involved with, had a drastically different view than your own? What if half of all the people you came into contact with on a daily basis – at the grocery store or on a zoom call – held different beliefs and opinions?
Even though we may want to, we can’t make the other side or person wrong.
Whether you have an opposing political opinion or see things differently than your boss, partner or friend, in every conversation and interaction, do your best to:
1. Accept, not reject, opposing views and feelings
2. Be open, curious, and receptive
3. Respect, be humble and kind
Getting on the same page may be A LOT to ask of us right now – but we can try.
Let’s lead the way forward.
To realize our full potential, it’s imperative to step fully into our confidence, define our authentic leadership style, be clear about our purpose and take aligned action so we can have the greatest impact within our companies we serve.
Learn more about how to achieve this through my LIMITLESS Leadership Training Program here.
by Amy Matthews | Oct 30, 2020 | Inspiration |
During these disruptive times, It’s easy to feel ungrounded, uncertain, and anxious. The more I read the news and listen to political podcasts, the more unsettled I feel. Time for radical discipline! I’m refocusing on joy and possibility. This weekend couldn’t come at a better time.
This Saturday is both a full moon and Halloween. A friend passed along a forecast which inspired me. Here’s the gist of it:
Saturday’s full moon sets the tone for November. The theme is: release the past, free ourselves up from guilt, shame, resentments, regrets, move beyond our limitations and, refocus our attention on opportunities to improve our lives.
LOVE IT. Very Woman UnRuled like – right?
Once we let go of the mental and emotional baggage that drags us down, we have the capacity to see differently and think outside the box. Once we do, we open up to limitless possibilities and anything we can dream up.
DREAM BIG. That’s what I’m doing this weekend. How about you?
P.S. If you’re feeling a need for a Joy + Inspiration boost, I got you covered. Sign up for the Eat the Brownie Challenge below.
Joy is imperative, especially now.
Joy gives us strength, energy, and stamina for what we need to do in the world.
To reconnect with YOUR joy, join me on the Eat the Brownie Challenge.
Take an 8-day journey of introspection, inspiration, and passion with
daily practices that support a connection with what makes you come alive,
while easy to use tools help keep you on track.
by Amy Matthews | Oct 23, 2020 | Mindset |
Rage is in the air. I guess it’s no surprise that Bob Woodward’s new book is titled, Rage. Many of us are feeling it individually and collectively.
Here’s a story:
Two weeks ago I had a date with a man I recently met. On our first date, he told me he wasn’t political so on our second date, I decided I wouldn’t bring up the election. The weather was gorgeous and I wanted to enjoy an easy-breezy night out, to remind me of the carefree days of old.
A woman was sitting by herself at the table next to us. We struck up a conversation with her, chatted about where we live, art, among other things. Out of the blue, she asked: Who are you voting for?
I replied: Biden.
Then, naturally asked: Who are you voting for?
Biden, she said. She turned to my date and asked: Who are you voting for?
He said: I’m undecided.
She then said: Trump is dangerous.
Thinking I would stay out of the fray, I said: Give us an example of what you mean by dangerous?
She replied: The issue of climate change is so important for our future. I have children.
He said: I agree with you. I have kids too.
Then, he said: What did you think about the debate? I think Pence was outstanding. Kamala was horrible and so disrespectful.
Ok, now I was curious. I shared my point of view which was different than his. After a few minutes, he threw his hands up in the air and with a fierce, angry look in his eyes, said: I can’t handle this! I am out of here. His rage was palpable. He got up, paid the check, and left.
I was stunned. I thought we were having a conversation. His blowing up wasn’t about me or what I said. It quickly dawned on me that this conversation was a microcosm of what’s happening in our country.
Fast forward to this week. Three clients told me they are raging, all for very different reasons.
Rage and fear are connected. We feel rage when we are threatened or feel an injustice of some kind. When we feel we have been wronged by another person or by our current or past circumstances, it’s natural to feel fearful and vulnerable.
So what to do with your rage? Feel it, process it, understand it. Work with a coach or therapist to uncover the underlying reasons for the injustice you feel.
by Amy Matthews | Sep 24, 2020 | Blog, In-Power, Inspiration |
We all have created stories about our experiences, some of which are true, others not. Here are two stories I’d like to share:
One of my clients struggled to learn how to read as a child so he grew up thinking he wasn’t smart. Fast forward, he went to Columbia, got his MBA from Stanford and graduated top of his class. It didn’t dawn on him he was super smart until years later when a CEO who he worked for, told him was. He was 38 years old.
Another client wasn’t asked to her senior prom so she thought men didn’t find her attractive and didn’t want her. Though she had several long term relationships and eventually married, when we began working together, she held that same belief.
To nip a Limiting Belief in the bud, try this simple exercise:
Grab a pen and paper. Write down answers to these 3 questions:
1.What is your top limiting belief or reoccurring thought that drains your energy?
2. On the left side of the page write down all the reasons it’s true. On the right, the reasons it isn’t. Hint: the right side always wins 🙂
Why It’s True Why It Isn’t True
3.What new belief are you replacing it with?
There’s no better time to remove beliefs that aren’t true. Take off the Shackles and create new ones that support your happiness, freedom, and success.
