by Amy Matthews | Jul 14, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
I went for a long hike with a friend over the weekend, one of the things that keeps me sane. We talked about the ways people are struggling and the emotions they are feeling – fear, sadness, anxiety, depression, and vulnerability. All the things that I’ve been writing and coaching about since the pandemic hit.
It’s hard to feel these feelings. I certainly have had to grapple with my own share.
Earlier this week, I went back and read all the newsletters I’ve written. I came across one dated October 2017. Here’s an excerpt from it:
Many of us are feeling overwhelmed these days because there is so much uncertainty in the world. Fear and anxiety are at an all-time high. We’ve had so much destruction in such a short period of time – the multiple hurricanes, the Las Vegas shooting, the Northern California fires. People are walking on eggshells, wondering when the next shoe is going to drop. When so much is happening, it’s difficult to feel inspired and to stay focused on what you want to create in your life.
W H O A.
The light bulb went on. We’ve been in a state of duress for a V E R Y long time.
Predictability used to made us feel safe. If you’ve lost your footing, you are not alone. So what do we do?
We cook up a smorgasbord of compassion for ourselves, partners, friends, family, essential workers, pets, colleagues, and our community. We fill up on thoughts that make us feel centered and calm. We fill up on the people and things in our lives that nurture us. We fill up on what inspires us.
Feed yourself until your stomach is full. Once you fill up, you will find the clarity, conviction, confidence to create what’s next in your life.
by Amy Matthews | Jul 14, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
I’ve been working on Radical Acceptance for the last few weeks.
It’s natural to reject what is happening in our lives if it’s not something we like. Our brains are programmed to do so. We push it away, get angry, frustrated, ‘pull a nutty’ or run for the hills. We question why, we deny, we manipulate, we negotiate. We’ll try anything before we accept.
Here are a few real struggles that my clients and friends are facing right now:
Yet ANOTHER project dumped in her lap
Leadership not listening
24/7 with spouse/partner/family
The loss of a parent
You want different things
Noise and distraction of construction (that’s mine!)
Lack of ‘breathing room’
“Independent young adults” living at home
The guy you were dating dissed you
It’s not easy to accept the current reality. It’s a process. Yet, it takes a lot more energy to resist than accept. Resisting is like a power struggle with yourself and never a win win. When I push away or reject what’s happening in the moment, it’s usually because I’m feeling vulnerable, misunderstood or not heard. How about you?
Feel your feelings. Once you do, you get to decide whether to turn your thoughts towards accepting OR keep rejecting reality. Decide what you’re committed to and let that propel you forward.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world” ~ Mathatma Ghandi
by Amy Matthews | Jun 22, 2020 | In-Power, Inspiration |
I found out last Wednesday remodeling was starting below my place that very same day. One minute it was quiet, the next it was seriously LOUD. Without any warning, my home was transformed into a very noisy construction site.
For days my clients, colleagues and I put up with hammering in the background of our zoom calls. I was beside myself. I was pissed! How could this be happening to me? I quickly recognized I was in victim mode. Whoa.
I wasn’t going to live in misery for a month. Nope, no way. Not on your life. The answer quickly came to me.
ROAD TRIP!
I asked a few friends to join me but the timing wasn’t right. So, I filled up the tank with gas, put air in my tires (all by myself) and packed the car. The next morning, I drove twelve hours with my plus one, Pie, my mini golden doodle. I am now in idyllic Sun Valley, Idaho for a week! It’s quintessentially charming and beautiful. The weather is warm. Views are stunning. Hiking is amazing. Every person I’ve met is kind. And, it’s QUIET. I can hear myself think and my creative juices are flowing.
As the saying goes, if you can’t change a situation, change your perception of it. Or, hop in yo ur car and get the hell out of dodge.
Create your own happiness.
by Amy Matthews | Jun 10, 2020 | Business, Mindset |
The topic of boundaries is coming up a lot in my conversations – I MEAN A LOT. The need for setting boundaries is everywhere.
Boundaries at work, with clients, with spouses and partners with children and with friends. We know they are important, yet many of us struggle to create them. Deep in our beings, we believe if we say No, we will be rejected. Or judged. Or labeled. Or not loved. Not sought after. Or the worst of the worst, we fear we’ll be called the other B WORD. Our mental chatter takes over and sounds something like this:
If I say I can’t meet the deadline, she/he won’t be my client. If I say No, she/he/they won’t like me or will move on to someone else. If I say No, my child will rebel. If I say No, I won’t be promoted. Who am I to have boundaries, anyway?
Who are you not to have boundaries.
It’s time to let the old chatter go. There isn’t room for it in our new world. So much is being asked of us and boundaries are key. Just like essential workers have become our lifeline, boundaries are essential to our personal well being and enable us to thrive.
If you find yourself at your wit’s end without reserve in your tank, perhaps, you’re saying YES to clients when they don’t respect your schedule, or to your child because he/she didn’t get to graduate, or to friends who have a different risk factor around social distancing, or allowing others to make racist comments in your presence, or saying YES to working 14 hour days or letting your adult children ‘rule the roost’ now they are back at home.
We can’t always have things the way we want them, especially now. Saying YES is a good thing but not all the time. Freedom begins with saying NO. Boundaries allow us to have more room for ourselves and give us the freedom we crave and yearn for.
What one boundary will you set today?
My new Master Class, Rules for a Liberating Life is next Tuesday at 11am Pacific/1pm Central/2pm Eastern!
New Rules for a Liberating Life, is a 90 minute workshop where we will walk through The New Rules individually. This program is especially designed to help move out of old thinking and behaving and free you up. I will give you exercises and action steps to support moving into the most confident version of yourself. We will end with a live Q + A.
By the end of the class, you will learn to let go of the shouldas, manage perfectionism and self-doubt (and we all have it) and open up to more energy to create what you want in this new world.
New Rules to Live a Liberated Life will help you:
Feel AUTHENTIC and more grounded than ever before.
Feel you’re in the DRIVER’S SEAT of your life.
Feel RELIEF because you no longer care so much about what others think.
KNOW who and what matters in your life.
Have MORE ENERGY for yourself.
I am offering a SPECIAL BONUS for one lucky person who signs up for the class – a one hour coaching call with me. If you’ve wanted to work with me for some time but haven’t gotten around to it – here is your chance! I will draw a name from the list of attendees during the live masterclass.
by Amy Matthews | Jun 10, 2020 | In-Power, Inspiration |
As I talk with family and friends about the racial injustice that has been ignored for so long, some of us are feeling a lot of shame. Not necessarily because of what we personally have done but for what has gone on before us. The feeling of collective shame is in the air.
Rightfully so. My niece said it so well. Whites have benefited from racism. That’s hard to get our heads around. A hard pill to swallow. Yet it’s true. America is finally waking up to the discrimination that is deeply ingrained in our society.
Perhaps we need to feel guilty and shameful and shitty (my niece’s word) for all the atrocities and injustices allowed for centuries. if we wallow in our shame, then and only then, can we take responsibility.
On the other hand, guilt, shame and feeling shitty only leads to anxiety and overwhelm. When we swim in a sea of emotions, overwhelm settles in. We feel defeated and it paralyzes us to take action.
How can you take responsibility and not feel shitty?
Instead of letting shame take you hostage, get grounded. Be curious, listen and learn. Develop your empathy muscle. Show compassion. Understand what it would be like to walk in another’s shoes, without your same privilege. Stand in your truth, speak up and take inspired action for what you believe in.
Harness your privilege for the equality of all.
