by Amy Matthews | Oct 15, 2019 | In-Power |
Blame – it’s always a no-win situation.
Our culture thrives on blame. Companies blame, politicians blame, and we blame our partners, spouses, colleagues, parents, kids, friends – every day – for what they did or didn’t do. When something goes wrong, we like to have a reason why it happened. We point the finger, we pass the buck.
It’s easier to blame another than to accept responsibility.
I love this Katherine Hepburn quote:
“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers — but never blame yourself. It’s never your fault. But it’s always your fault because if you wanted to change you’re the one who has got to change.”
No one likes to be blamed or accused. It hurts. It makes you feel misunderstood and creates negative emotions which always lead to not feeling good about yourself.
The next time something happens that you don’t like, before you play the blame game, ask yourself these questions:
Am I judging the situation or person?
What part did I play in this?
What can I learn from the situation?
How can this turn into a win-win?
It takes courage to admit you are wrong or that you contributed to a situation. It takes courage to own your ugly. When you blame, you give away your power. True power is taking radical responsibility for your actions AND having radical self-acceptance – at the same time.
by Amy Matthews | Oct 8, 2019 | Inspiration |
All my clients, past and present, are amazing. One in particular, who I’ve been working with for 6 months, just landed her DREAM job.
It happened fast. She interviewed on a Friday and hit it off with the entire management team. The job and company culture were a perfect fit. She was extended an offer the following week. She negotiated a higher salary, a sign-on bonus, 4 weeks vacation, autonomy to build and lead a global marketing team, a hefty relocation package and the flexibility she wanted in a position.
She got everything she wanted. Last week she said to me, it’s SURREAL.
Nope, I said, it’s REAL.
Landing her dream job didn’t happen overnight. It took time, effort and patience. She interviewed a lot, she went through rejection, she had moments of self-doubt, anxiety, and fear. It wasn’t a cakewalk but every step through the process, sho gained more clarity on what she really wanted and her vision for herself. By the time she finished, she had multiple offers. She also gained confidence and conviction for what she wanted in the future. When we started working together, she told me she wanted to be a CEO at 50. Now, her intention is to be one in her 40s. She’s learned to show up as an authentic and compassionate leader. All-powerful stuff.
Whatever it is you want – a new job, a promotion, more revenue, a relationship, star status, a deeper more connected relationship or more room for yourself – you can have it – as long as you commit to the process and stay the course. In time, you will get what you want and your life will transform.
Don’t cut yourself short. Believe in yourself and your vision. Create a plan and stick with it. Have faith. Trust yourself and the universe. If you feel you need support to get you where you want to go, reach out to me or another coach to help you. It works, I promise.
The future depends on what we do in the present.
– Mahatma Ghandi
by Amy Matthews | Oct 1, 2019 | Mindset |
We strive to be our very best. We engage 100%, we give it our all, in everything we do. At work, as a parent, as a friend, as a partner or lover. When situations don’t go the way we planned – the presentation is sub-par, your kid takes a wrong turn, your relationship has a hiccup, the meeting you put your heart and soul into is just ok – it’s easy to take it personally.
We expect so much from ourselves so when we don’t get the results we want, we take too much responsibility and often blame ourselves. Questions like: What did I do wrong? Am I not a good parent? Is it my fault? pop up in our heads.
Taking things personally wreaks havoc on our self-esteem. It takes us out of our power. Plus it’s emotionally exhausting!
Next time an outcome is less than what you want, ask yourself: What if it’s not about me? The truth is, it rarely is. If the same situation happened to your best friend, what would you say to her or him?
Cut yourself some slack.
Validate yourself for all you do.
Sing your praises.
Pat your fabulous self on the back.
We don’t need to change or fix ourselves to be better, we need to change the way we think of ourselves to be better. Tell yourself all the reasons you are amazing and awesome – today and every day. Try it. Come on, I dare you.
There’s not a thing wrong with you, you’re right all the way through. – Emma Donahue
by Amy Matthews | Sep 27, 2019 | In-Power |
I’ve had many conversations with high performing, ambitious woman lately. An owner of a successful financial services company, a serial entrepreneur, a founder of a start-up – all who declared to me: “I need to get my power back.” If this resonates, keep on reading.
It’s easy to give our power away because we care deeply. We’ve all been in situations where we have put our happiness and power in other people’s hands. Truth be told, many of us give our power away all day long to employees, bosses, partners, kids, friends and anyone else that comes our way.
Here are 5 quick tips to get back on track when you feel you’ve given your power away:
1. If you’re depleted from overdoing and taking care of others, pull back and tend to you own needs. Keep some energy for you – always
2. Watch your fearful thoughts – fear is the main culprit of losing our power. Rein in your negative thought and replace it with two positive ones
3. Honor who you are – your authentic, imperfect, sometimes messy self. Rid yourself of any shame, guilt and self judgment on past actions – it’s not fair to you
4. Whatever the situation, see the truth in it rather than resist it. Once you do, you’ll be clear on the next steps to take
5. Be true to your values and what you believe in – no matter what
Any of these will help things shift. Getting your power back can be as easy as giving if away – if you let it. Take your power back and become your most limitless self.
“When you take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, you get your power back.” – Unknown
by Amy Matthews | Sep 27, 2019 | Mindset |
We all have them, stories we’ve made up based on an event or situation that happened in the past. These stories are our interpretation of what happened, something took place and we created a meaning to it. These stories shape our perspective in the present.
We do it all day long: we tell ourselves stories about what happened or what’s happening in our lives right now – about other people and about ourselves. Our stories can either make us feel good, or not. When we attach old feelings to a current situation, that’s when we can trip up.
If you’re feeling a negative emotion – anger, resentment, fear, mega anxiety, insecurity -you may have an old story that is running the show. To help you unravel it, ask yourself:
Is this story true?
Are my feelings based in the present or in the past?
What story can I let go to give me more freedom?
A lot of stuff happens in life. Try your best to not take it personally or create a meaning to it. The truth of any given situation is happening in the present moment.
You get to decide how you want to feel. Be present to your life.
