by Amy Matthews | Oct 1, 2019 | Mindset |
We strive to be our very best. We engage 100%, we give it our all, in everything we do. At work, as a parent, as a friend, as a partner or lover. When situations don’t go the way we planned – the presentation is sub-par, your kid takes a wrong turn, your relationship has a hiccup, the meeting you put your heart and soul into is just ok – it’s easy to take it personally.
We expect so much from ourselves so when we don’t get the results we want, we take too much responsibility and often blame ourselves. Questions like: What did I do wrong? Am I not a good parent? Is it my fault? pop up in our heads.
Taking things personally wreaks havoc on our self-esteem. It takes us out of our power. Plus it’s emotionally exhausting!
Next time an outcome is less than what you want, ask yourself: What if it’s not about me? The truth is, it rarely is. If the same situation happened to your best friend, what would you say to her or him?
Cut yourself some slack.
Validate yourself for all you do.
Sing your praises.
Pat your fabulous self on the back.
We don’t need to change or fix ourselves to be better, we need to change the way we think of ourselves to be better. Tell yourself all the reasons you are amazing and awesome – today and every day. Try it. Come on, I dare you.
There’s not a thing wrong with you, you’re right all the way through. – Emma Donahue
by Amy Matthews | Sep 27, 2019 | In-Power |
I’ve had many conversations with high performing, ambitious woman lately. An owner of a successful financial services company, a serial entrepreneur, a founder of a start-up – all who declared to me: “I need to get my power back.” If this resonates, keep on reading.
It’s easy to give our power away because we care deeply. We’ve all been in situations where we have put our happiness and power in other people’s hands. Truth be told, many of us give our power away all day long to employees, bosses, partners, kids, friends and anyone else that comes our way.
Here are 5 quick tips to get back on track when you feel you’ve given your power away:
1. If you’re depleted from overdoing and taking care of others, pull back and tend to you own needs. Keep some energy for you – always
2. Watch your fearful thoughts – fear is the main culprit of losing our power. Rein in your negative thought and replace it with two positive ones
3. Honor who you are – your authentic, imperfect, sometimes messy self. Rid yourself of any shame, guilt and self judgment on past actions – it’s not fair to you
4. Whatever the situation, see the truth in it rather than resist it. Once you do, you’ll be clear on the next steps to take
5. Be true to your values and what you believe in – no matter what
Any of these will help things shift. Getting your power back can be as easy as giving if away – if you let it. Take your power back and become your most limitless self.
“When you take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, you get your power back.” – Unknown
by Amy Matthews | Sep 27, 2019 | Mindset |
We all have them, stories we’ve made up based on an event or situation that happened in the past. These stories are our interpretation of what happened, something took place and we created a meaning to it. These stories shape our perspective in the present.
We do it all day long: we tell ourselves stories about what happened or what’s happening in our lives right now – about other people and about ourselves. Our stories can either make us feel good, or not. When we attach old feelings to a current situation, that’s when we can trip up.
If you’re feeling a negative emotion – anger, resentment, fear, mega anxiety, insecurity -you may have an old story that is running the show. To help you unravel it, ask yourself:
Is this story true?
Are my feelings based in the present or in the past?
What story can I let go to give me more freedom?
A lot of stuff happens in life. Try your best to not take it personally or create a meaning to it. The truth of any given situation is happening in the present moment.
You get to decide how you want to feel. Be present to your life.
by Amy Matthews | Sep 27, 2019 | Business, Mindset |
We want to think we’re living on our terms but more often than not, we aren’t.
It’s easy not to succumb to societal pressures, work situations and all kinds of relationships require things of us. We care about meeting the expectations of others, we want to make others happy so we conform, accommodate and compromise. It’s just what we do.
I see this with clients and friends, all of whom are high performers and super successful.
Here are a few examples:
Your spouse/partner/friend wants you to do things for them so you do. Because you want to please them and don’t want to rock the boat
You’re being offered the coveted job you really want and instead of speaking up about a bigger salary, you take the offer you are given
You meet the demands of your high maintenance client – all the time – for fear they will take their business elsewhere
Your child wants what he/she wants and because your love for them is immense, you give it to them – because you see no other way
Your colleague or executive is uber anal and demanding and because he/she can have emotional outbursts, you do what they want – always
The truth is, life is one big negotiation. Like all negotiations, you first need to be clear on what your terms are.
Second, you need to show up at the bargaining table.
Next time before you cave into the demands of another, ask yourself these questions:
What is the best outcome – for both of us?
What am I willing to give to get?
What isn’t acceptable to me?
How important is this person or situation to me?
Living life on your terms is not for the faint of heart – it takes awareness, clarity, courage, conviction and a whole lotta self respect. Know your terms and where you stand in any situation and most importantly, know when to walk away. Your self worth depends on it.
by Amy Matthews | Sep 27, 2019 | Inspiration |
Do what the Catalans do.
Every time I take a trip, I realize how good it feels to change up my routine – even if it’s only for a week.
Long lunches with Cava, motorcycle transport – everywhere, eating dinner at 10pm – are just a few of the differences in my life this week.
Routines are good until they’re not. Same workout, same food, same schedule, same ‘ol – eventually leads to b-o-r-i-n-g. And who wants that.
I used to believe that to get all my work done, I needed to be in my office, at my desk. But guess what? That belief is passe. I’ve finished 2 proposals and signed a new client. I am getting everything I need to get done AND having tons of fun.
True freedom is trusting yourself that everything will get done while enjoying life.
Here are a couple questions to consider:
What belief gets in the way of really living my life?
What one thing can I do differently to bring more space and freedom to my life?
Then ask, Why Not?
It can be really simple, like:
Work out of a new, cool location
Go to an Inferno Pilates class instead of yoga
Play hooky even if it’s only for an hour (or two)
Eat Indian, Thai or something other than a salad
Add some spice to your life this week. Come on, what are you waiting for?
