by Amy Matthews | Sep 27, 2019 | Business, Mindset |
We want to think we’re living on our terms but more often than not, we aren’t.
It’s easy not to succumb to societal pressures, work situations and all kinds of relationships require things of us. We care about meeting the expectations of others, we want to make others happy so we conform, accommodate and compromise. It’s just what we do.
I see this with clients and friends, all of whom are high performers and super successful.
Here are a few examples:
Your spouse/partner/friend wants you to do things for them so you do. Because you want to please them and don’t want to rock the boat
You’re being offered the coveted job you really want and instead of speaking up about a bigger salary, you take the offer you are given
You meet the demands of your high maintenance client – all the time – for fear they will take their business elsewhere
Your child wants what he/she wants and because your love for them is immense, you give it to them – because you see no other way
Your colleague or executive is uber anal and demanding and because he/she can have emotional outbursts, you do what they want – always
The truth is, life is one big negotiation. Like all negotiations, you first need to be clear on what your terms are.
Second, you need to show up at the bargaining table.
Next time before you cave into the demands of another, ask yourself these questions:
What is the best outcome – for both of us?
What am I willing to give to get?
What isn’t acceptable to me?
How important is this person or situation to me?
Living life on your terms is not for the faint of heart – it takes awareness, clarity, courage, conviction and a whole lotta self respect. Know your terms and where you stand in any situation and most importantly, know when to walk away. Your self worth depends on it.
by Amy Matthews | Sep 27, 2019 | Inspiration |
Do what the Catalans do.
Every time I take a trip, I realize how good it feels to change up my routine – even if it’s only for a week.
Long lunches with Cava, motorcycle transport – everywhere, eating dinner at 10pm – are just a few of the differences in my life this week.
Routines are good until they’re not. Same workout, same food, same schedule, same ‘ol – eventually leads to b-o-r-i-n-g. And who wants that.
I used to believe that to get all my work done, I needed to be in my office, at my desk. But guess what? That belief is passe. I’ve finished 2 proposals and signed a new client. I am getting everything I need to get done AND having tons of fun.
True freedom is trusting yourself that everything will get done while enjoying life.
Here are a couple questions to consider:
What belief gets in the way of really living my life?
What one thing can I do differently to bring more space and freedom to my life?
Then ask, Why Not?
It can be really simple, like:
Work out of a new, cool location
Go to an Inferno Pilates class instead of yoga
Play hooky even if it’s only for an hour (or two)
Eat Indian, Thai or something other than a salad
Add some spice to your life this week. Come on, what are you waiting for?
by Amy Matthews | Aug 27, 2019 | In-Power |
We create most of the obstacles that are in our way.
A wise coach and healer I worked with some time ago said this:
If you say you want something and don’t have it, your desire to not have it is greater than your desire to have it.
Provocative, right?
We’ve been taught to fight obstacles, to attack them, to tackle them, to combat them, to defeat them. We put a ton of energy into them. We focus, we analyze, we strategize, we struggle, we analyze again. It’s as if we are at war with ourselves. It’s exhausting.
Mental traps that get in our way are limiting beliefs and thoughts, self doubt and negative self talk, mega fear and anxiety, addiction to distractions, procrastination and perfectionism.
What if instead of getting into a mental and emotional tizzy and battling it out, you put all your energy into creating what you really want?
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
What obstacles do I create?
Why do I?
How much do I really “want what I say I want?”
You can have anything you want but it takes clarity, confidence, conviction, commitment and a whole lot of action. And an unwavering trust and faith in yourself.
Use your mental and emotional energy – wisely. You got this.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 20, 2019 | Business, Mindset |
Confidence is the #1 issue facing women and girls today. What I mean, is a lack thereof.
We over perform, we overdo, we excel at all we do. We’re ambitious, we’re on it. We run circles around everyone. We expect so much from ourselves. And of course we have to look good while doing it all, too.
When I left the corporate world, I planned to take a year off. I was ecstatic. I was finally going to be free of the high pressure job, the endless red eye flights, the constant anxiety and worry. My adrenals were spent, I was spent. I blamed my stress and exhaustion on the job itself.
Two months into my one year sabbatical, instead of feeling a sense of ease, I was still driving myself. My todo list kept getting bigger and I had the same sense of urgency as when I was working. I was obsessed to get everything done, just so. Instead of feeling a sense of joy and freedom, I felt trapped.
I realized it wasn’t the job. It was me.
Our self worth and self esteem are wrapped up in our performance. We desperately want to be validated for who we are so we do more. As if our herculean efforts will somehow cover up and fill the void we feel deep down that we are not enough.
So many women I know are doing their lives this way. Are you?
I’m here to tell you it’s a vicious cycle. There is a better way.
True self confidence comes from a feeling from the inside. It’s feeling comfortable in your skin. It’s validating, yourself, for all that you are. It’s an unwavering belief that you are loved for who you are, not for what you do. Because you are more than enough.
The truth is, until we get a handle on this, we’ll never step fully into our power. Confidence and power go hand in hand.
Give yourself permission to ditch the overdoing and create a life of pure abundant magic. To learn more about my Freedom Method, book a clarity call with me here.
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Even though you’ve “made it,” you’re afraid to ask for what you really want.
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by Amy Matthews | Aug 13, 2019 | In-Power |
I’ve talked with many clients, friends and family this week. An underlying theme in my conversations is a need to please others.
I get it. I was once an over functioning people pleaser too. We were taught to be nice, because that’s what good girls and boys do. We’ve been socialized to accommodate, to feel responsible for other people’s feelings, to not rock the boat, to keep the peace,to seek approval and as my mom used to say, to “keep it together.” It stems from a deep need to fit in and be liked.
There’s a cost of being a people pleaser. it’s a trap. When you care for others more than yourself, it’s a breading ground for low self esteem and confidence. When you’re focused on meeting everyone else needs, you lose yourself and lose sight of your own dreams. Which can result with living without intention, clarity and conviction.
So how do we stop being a people pleaser? First, let’s understand why we do what we do. The truth is we receive benefits from limiting habits and behavior.
Ponder these questions to get out of the people pleaser muck:
What has being overly nice given you? What’s the cost?
What do you get from accommodating others? Truly, what’s the price?
How does not speaking your truth serve you? How has it inhibited you?
What does putting others first give you? What’s been its toll on you?
How would your life change if you were NOT addicted to pleasing others?
We all want to be loved and acknowledged and people pleasing keeps us safe. AND it also drains our energy and joy. It holds us back from owning our brilliance and inner authority. It keeps us from owning who we are and what we want.
You can be nice and helpful AND have boundaries. You can be 100% Yourself. To achieve greater levels of success, ditch the people pleaser trap. It’s the first step to becoming super powerful AND free.
&nsbp;
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If you’re ready to #Breakfree and create a super powerful and free life full of abundance and magic,
download Limitless here.
