by Amy Matthews | Aug 20, 2018 | Mindset |
Women and men can be so hard on themselves. We can be our own worst enemies. If this sounds like you or a person you know, read on!
Early in life, we learn there is “a right way to be, look and act” and “a wrong way to be, look and act”. Because our need for approval, love and acceptance is strong, we absorb these potent messages from society and our families. Without realizing it, we conform. We try to “do it right“. We try to fit in to avoid rejection, criticism and even abandonment. Makes sense to me.
But here’s the deal:
When we fall short or don’t match up to the “perfect ideals” that are placed upon us, we judge ourselves. We criticize ourselves. We doubt our actions. We feel less than. We eventually adopt the belief that “we’re not good enough.”
We all have a “not enough” story. Not smart enough, beautiful enough, powerful enough, thin enough, articulate enough – the list goes on. Whatever it is for you, at some point, you gotta ask:
Is my “not enough” belief true?
Bet not. Empower yourself and create a new story.
Do I want to be other than who I really am?
Nope. Being anyone other than YOU doesn’t feel good.
Do I want to think less of me than others do?
No. Belittling yourself keeps you small. It keeps you in comparison mode.
The truth is, trying to be perfect is a waste of your precious energy because there is no such thing as perfection! Cut yourself some slack. Love yourself up, just the way you are. Become besties with your perfectly, imperfect self.
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.
Be kind to the world in which you live.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 14, 2018 | Mindset |
Disappointment is real. It happens to all of us. Anytime you put time and energy into something you’re invested in and the outcome isn’t what you wanted, disappointment can rear its ugly head.
It can be life changing. You lose your job. Your 20 year marriage splits. You lose your life’s savings. You’re betrayed by someone you love. And there are the smaller, everyday disappointments. A friend lets you down. A work project goes awry. Plans are canceled. The new restaurant that everyone says is amazing, isn’t.
Here’s the thing: big or small, if you let a disappointment fester, it can paralyze you. I’ve seen this with some coaching clients. If it’s a biggie, at first, spending time under the covers may be a good idea and exactly what you need. But it doesn’t have to take years to get over. At some point, you need to bounce back. You gotta get up, dust yourself off and start creating what’s next.
Here are a few tips I’ve learned to move through disappointment:
1. Acknowledge it and feel your feelings! Don’t try to push your feelings away or rationalize them. Let them out, let it rip. Once you do, you’ll gain perspective.
2. Don’t dwell on the past. The sooner you accept what happened, the sooner you can open yourself up to new possibilities.
3. Learn from what happened and most importantly, be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
4. Let go of unrealistic expectations, they only get in the way of your happiness. Try to not get attached to a certain outcome – that’s what will trip you up.
It’s not about what happens, it’s about how you handle it.
You have a choice, it’s up to you.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 6, 2018 | Inspiration |
Even when women are super accomplished, they can doubt themselves.
We can feel stress over an important upcoming presentation, anxiety before an audition or anytime we embark on something we haven’t done before.
I see this with my coaching clients. I see this with myself. It happens to the best of us.
Deep down, we doubt our abilities. We lack confidence. We don’t trust we can do it.
Most men exude confidence. A man raises his hand for the promotion, even when he’s not qualified. A woman raises her hand if she’s encouraged to do so or if she is overqualified.
I think it has to do with our beliefs. Here’s a personal story:
I’ve been doing a ton of new things as I build Woman UnRuled. FB Lives, online programs, videos, webinars, speaking engagements, becoming a gender parity expert and trainer…the list goes on. I was feeling overwhelmed. Then I had a major breakthrough.
I realized, I was running a childhood tape in my head: What if I can’t?
Whoa! So I turned off my self defeating tape. And I turned on these mantras:
I Got This!
I Am Certain I Can Do It!
I Always Get What I Want!
Yes I Can!
We sometimes need to act confident before we are. We need to believe we can do it before we do it. In other words, we need to fake it ‘til we feel it.
Do you have a tape you’re running that’s holding you back? First, get in touch with it. Then replace it with positive affirmations that lift you up.
Whatever your current situation — whether you’re in a new role at work, a new mother, starting a business, recovering from an illness or just trying to keep up with the demands of everyday life, wholeheartedly believe you can do anything.
Yes. Anything. Yes You Can.
by Amy Matthews | Jul 30, 2018 | In-Power |
It’s not always easy to tell the truth.
Many women have a hard time telling the truth because they don’t want to hurt or disappoint another. Or they want to protect someone. Or they want to be liked and fear that if they tell the truth, they will be resented or even rejected.
I get it, telling the truth can be uncomfortable. Even though I’m known for speaking my truth, I’ve been guilty of not telling the truth too. Sometimes it’s just easier to sweep it under the rug. But here’s the thing. When we keep our true feelings hidden, it’s always at the expense of not being true to who we really are.
Truth is power. It’s necessary for a fulfilling life. Telling the truth empowers not only you, but the other person. Truth is a sign of love. It deepens trust, intimacy and strengthens relationships.
Now, I’m not giving you permission to go on a rant about everything under the sun. Know what you want to say before you say it. Ask yourself, is it kind, is it true, is it useful? Once you’re clear, communicate with compassion, connection and kindness.
In today’s world where truth is not a given, people appreciate honesty. People respect the truth. People appreciate and respect knowing where you stand.
If there’s an area in your life where you’re not speaking your truth, be courageous! Express your true feelings, no matter how scary it may be. Once you do, your life will become more real and fulfilling.
by Amy Matthews | Jul 23, 2018 | Inspiration |
The topic of “not settling” keeps coming up in my conversations with coaching clients and friends.
So many of us settle for something less than what we really want. At some point – we all have settled – whether in a romantic relationship, a friendship or in a work situation. I certainly have! Though, I didn’t always know I was settling, at the time.
I think “settling” occurs for many reasons. It happens when we don’t believe in ourselves, or when we don’t feel worthy or don’t feel we deserve something better. Or we want to play it safe, not rock the boat or want an easy way out. Or we have a deep fear that we can’t have what we really want.
We settle when we don’t respect our own needs and wants. We settle when we don’t love and care for ourselves as much as we love others.
Whatever your situation, you don’t have to settle. You always have a choice.
You don’t have to stay in a stressful job that sucks the life out of you.
You don’t have to stay in a relationship that has lost its magic.
You don’t have to be friends with people who don’t have your back.
Start making choices that reflect what you truly want. Once you do, you’ll feel good. You’ll feel happy and at ease and new opportunities will come your way.
Embrace What You Really Want.
Embrace What You Believe In.
Embrace Your Badass Self.
If you don’t, who will? Come on, I dare you.
