by Amy Matthews | Jun 5, 2018 | Mindset |
Most of us were brought up to care too much about what others think of us and the actions we take. Before making a big decision, we consult everyone in our circle. The conversation goes something like this:
“What’s your opinion?” “What do you think I should do?” “What would you do?”
Without realizing it, we give away our power to the other person.
The truth is, as women, we weren’t taught to be the authority of our lives.
When you care too much what people think of you and your ideas, especially loved ones like parents, siblings, spouse, partner or close friends, you give more weight to what others think than what you actually think and feel is the right thing to do. Other people’s advice, if not similar to your own, can stop you from pursuing what your mind, heart and intuition is telling you. It’s disempowering. It can keep you stuck.
I see this with clients and friends often. It’s not easy to make decisions without asking others for their opinion. It takes courage. It can be scary. It’s easier to defer to others. Here’s the deal. Ultimately, the buck stops with you. To be the authority of your own life, you have to learn to cut through the noise of what others tell you so you can hear your own true voice inside.
Once you do, you’ll feel more confident in taking action that serves YOU.
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by Amy Matthews | May 29, 2018 | Inspiration |
When I was in executive search, a CEO client of mine told me his wife had breast cancer. After battling the disease for two years, she was pronounced cancer free. One year later, a sudden fluke happened.
His wife was fine one day, went into the hospital the next and passed away the following day.
When my client and I met, he told me this story: My wife loved brownies. When we would go to a coffee shop, she would say “look at those brownies! They look so good! My client responded, they do, why don’t you get one? She said, oh no…I can’t. Week after week, year after year, she never allowed herself to have what she really wanted.
My client then said to me, my wife was only 43 years old. If only she had eaten the brownie….she would have died a happier woman.”
Whoa. I got goose bumps all over my body. This story resonated and I asked myself:
How often do I stop myself from having and going for what I really want? Am I living the life I really want?
I couldn’t shake the feeling. I told the story to a husband of a friend, and he declared, “Eat the Brownie.com.” I loved it! That night, I went home and purchased the URL. From there, Eat the Brownie morphed into Woman UnRuled.
By telling you this story, my wish is that you become a Woman UnRuled who questions the rules and constructs you live by. I also hope to inspire you to go for what you truly want and take action towards what brings you more pleasure and freedom. This is what “Eating the Brownie” means. Eat the Brownie™ is a movement and a sisterhood of women who are breaking the rules and taking inspired action that brings them more freedom, determination and joy…everyday.
Life is Short.
You Gotta Give Yourself Permission to Live the Life You Really Want.
It’s Time.
by Amy Matthews | May 22, 2018 | Inspiration, Mindset |
We all have a story that has led us to where we are today.
Here’s one of mine. I’m going to take you back to 5th Grade.
My family had just moved from Wisconsin to Michigan the year before. We moved because my dad had been offered an executive position with a private company with the promise to be its CEO, when the Founder and CEO retired. 1 year in the position, the company was sold to a corporation who decided to bring in their own top executives. Which meant my dad was out of a job.
One day walking home from school, I declared to myself, “You can’t do that to my dad!” “I’m going to show you guys!”
I was 10 years old.
Fast forward, I was a senior in college at the University of Colorado. I was taking a women’s studies class and during the 1st semester, we watched gender biased films. I learned for the first time how the media portrayed women! This new perspective fueled me and I got angry. One day in the 2nd semester, of the class I had a startling realization. I had no reason to be mad. At that very moment, I decided “I was going to join them!” Of course, that meant men.
After graduation, I was inspired to work for a company that was taking on an industry Goliath, AT&T. I was hired by a senior woman manager, who was both a teacher and mentor to me. She showed me step by step, how to be a solution sales person. I took off.
In my first year of sales, I was ranked #1. A few years later, I moved to a technology company that had just gone public. I eventually rose to VP Sales level, where I led both US and International teams. Throughout my time at the company, most of my colleagues were male. They were amazing and so were the women I worked with. I’m grateful for the relationships we built and all the fun we had.
As I said earlier, I decided to join them!
Though I built a new vertical for the company and led teams to overachieve objectives 12 years in a row, looking back, I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I wasn’t comfortable with all the accolades I received. Or the visibility I had within the company. So what did I do? I pushed the attention down to my team. At some level, I felt inadequate and still doubted myself.
Instead of owning my power, I gave it away.
After my corporate gigs, I decided to go into executive search as I’m highly passionate about leadership and empowering people. I recruited senior leadership talent for technology companies.
I’ve interviewed hundreds of candidates through the years – both men and women. So many of the women I met didn’t completely embrace their power – much like I didn’t. CEOs and executives have told me many of their top performers are women. They only wish they could own their power and confidence like men do.
This is why I founded Woman UnRuled.
I work with progressive business women who want to more powerfully navigate their world and career. I help women break free from what’s holding them back so they can step fully into their authentic power with grace, ease and joy.
We All Have a Story.
What Had Led You to Where You Are Today?
I Want to Hear. Make Yours a Powerful One.
by Amy Matthews | May 15, 2018 | Inspiration |
Our brilliant and complex brains are so powerful and help guide us in many ways. But here’s the deal: more often than not, our minds want to be in the driver’s seat, which can lead to over-analyzing, judging and not being present with ourselves and others.
I’ve always loved this quote from Anne Lamott:
“My Mind is a Neighborhood I try Not to Go into Alone.”
When your mind gets on the hamster wheel, first, notice that it is! Take a few deep breaths to get into your body. Do your best to detach from your thoughts. I know..easier said than done.
Then ask yourself, What am I Feeling? And Why?
Most likely, whatever it is for you, it stems from anxiety. It happens to all of us! Feel your feelings and acknowledge them. So many of us weren’t taught to feel and express our feelings – including me – so please, please, be compassionate with yourself.
Once you take a pause, you’ll feel more centered. More grounded. More aware. More at ease. Think about all you are grateful for and all that’s working in your life. It won’t take long to get into your heart.
Get out of Your Head.
Get into Your Heart.
Lead with Your Heart.
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by Amy Matthews | May 13, 2018 | Inspiration |
A friend of mine recently told me new beginnings were in store for her. She knew it – in her heart and soul. She felt she was on the cusp of breaking through to a new identity. A big shift was happening – she just knew.
She had done the work, big time. She took classes. She studied. She prepared. She said no to the things that no longer resonated. She cocooned. Even though she knew, she felt a void because the changes on the outside hadn’t quite caught up with the changes she felt on the inside.
Just like the caterpillar who turns into the butterfly – a dramatic metamorphosis was taking place inside. She was in a process of creating an entirely new being on the outside. But from her perspective, it hadn’t happened yet.
I said:
Accept and Appreciate where You are Now.
You’ve Created Space for the New to Come In.
Trust that “It’s” Happening.
There is nothing more magical than a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Truly. Real transformation takes time. There are phases. You can’t speed it up, even though you may want to. Little by little, changes happen. Some are subtle, some are not. At times, you’ll struggle or feel trepidation. Or want to throw in the towel. But if you are committed and willing to see it through, your transformation will take place. No Doubt.
You Gotta Trust.
You Gotta Be Patient.
You Gotta Believe.
You Gotta Stay the Course.
Are you ready to become the magnificent butterfly you’ve always wanted to be?
