by Amy Matthews | Apr 6, 2018 | Inspiration |
As women, many of us have difficulty prioritizing our own needs. It’s not surprising. The truth is, we’re culturally programmed to take care of others first. We can go through our entire lives without ever considering our own needs and wants. Whenever I ask a coaching client, “What Do You Need?, I often get a “deer in the headlights” response.
Here’s a story about a client of mine:
She recently accepted a new job with a well known financial services company. She’s a single mom and for several years, had been working for a family run business. The owner was demanding and expected her to be available on weekends at his beck and call. He wasn’t nice, lacked social intelligence and when he was in the office, she was on pins and needles. Not Fun.
One day, much to her surprise, she was put on a 90 day improvement plan. This highly competent woman had been told she was doing a very good job. To say the least, the news was puzzling – and threatening.
Smart woman that she is, she began looking for another job and within weeks, she was offered a position with better pay, vacation and benefits. Yay! When she gave notice to her current employer, again, much to her surprise, they countered and asked her to stay. They told her “They Needed Her”. Those three words were the hook.
She was torn and was deliberating over whether to stay or go. All her life, she chose to do things because she was needed. When I asked her Why, she said, being needed was a role she was familiar with and good at. We talked about how she’d been conditioned to put the needs of others first at the expense of understanding her own.
This is what I said to her:
You can choose to create a stable future for yourself or continue working for a boss that doesn’t respect you and treats you poorly. It’s not easy to change a life long pattern. Be kind to yourself. The more you make choices that support you, the better you’ll get at it.
At some point, we’ve all been in her shoes. We’ve all made choices that are not in our best interest. We’ve all put the needs of others before our own. We’ve all made choices that don’t support what we need and really want.
It’s Time to Uncover and Understand what You Need and Want.
t’s Time to Make Choices that Support You.
It’s Time to #BreakFree and Live the Life You’ve Always Imagined.
by Amy Matthews | Apr 2, 2018 | Business, In-Power |
Who you are being has a lot to do with your success, in all aspects of life. The truth is, we are all leaders. Each one of us has a choice on how we show up everyday, in every situation.
Here are my Top 8 Leadership Skills for Everyday Life:
1. Be Authentic, Real and Confident.
Feel comfortable in your own skin and stay true to who you are, no matter what. Have strong convictions, clear intentions and be willing to stand up for what you believe in.
2. Be Accountable and Committed.
The buck stops with you. No excuses or scapegoats. Be accountable for the choices you make and 100% committed – to your relationships and whatever you do.
3. Trust your Intuition and Communicate.
Use your intuition. Listen and connect. Size up the situation, access your feelings and communicate your truth with clarity and compassion.
4. Understand the Value of Time.
Your most precious resource is your time. Know what matters to you most and prioritize your time accordingly. Don’t waste your time or the time of others.
5. Be Kind and Earn People’s Trust.
Treat everyone with respect, whether it’s loved ones, colleagues or someone you just met. Make every encounter matter and memorable.
6. Be an Example for Others.
Own your brilliance, love yourself and embody your power. People are attracted to presence and positive energy. Inspire others to be the very best that they can be.
7. Be Flexible and Resilient.
Things change. Be flexible and willing to alter your plan. When shit hits the fan, pivot.
Don’t get attached to a certain outcome.
8. Plan and Take Decisive Action.
Know who are, what you want and where you want to go. Once you do, take decisive action. Never let your fear or doubt stop you from manifesting what you really want.
Be the Leader of Your Life.
Be the Leader of Others.
Be the Inspiration.
by Amy Matthews | Mar 26, 2018 | In-Power |
I get this question a lot. What’s your definition of “Being Empowered”?
To me, being empowered means Being in-Your-Power, Within Yourself.
It’s loving and trusting yourself, feeling comfortable in your own skin, communicating your truth, being able to laugh at yourself and staying true to who you are and what you believe in – no matter what is happening around you. It’s having clear intentions and taking decisive action to realize what you really want.
It’s Autonomy – the feeling of independence and freedom.
It’s Accountability – for how you show up and every choice you make.
It’s living as the Authority of Your Life – knowing the buck stops with you.
It’s being the Author of Your Life – choosing your thoughts, words and actions wisely.
I didn’t say it was easy! It takes a whole lotta clarity, courage and confidence to stand and stay in your power.
Being Empowered is NOT:
It’s NOT about power over others.
It’s NOT about proving yourself and doing more.
It’s NOT about being driven by the attention or accolades from others.
It’s NOT about playing the Perfection Game as it can’t be won.
On a scale of 1-10, how Empowered do You Feel?
by Amy Matthews | Mar 12, 2018 | Mindset |
When asked the question, “What’s most important to you?” often the answer is “health” or “family and friends.” These answers are all well and good but consider this:
The most precious and valuable resource we have is our time. Time is finite so how we choose to spend it really matters.
I read this a few years ago and it struck me as a more urgent way to prioritize what matters the most. The premise is, if you say your health is most important and one day find out you’re terminally ill, you’ll look back and ask yourself how you spent your time.
This week, think about what really matters to you and how you spend your time.
Are you making the most of every encounter and experience?
Are you sensually and lavishly drinking in life?
Are you joyful and happy?
Or
Are you spending too much time worrying or in fear?
Are you caring for loved ones but neglecting yourself?
Are you saying No to the things you want most?
Give your time to those people you love and that have your back and in turn, love you and have your back. Give your time to those things that light you up or put a smile on your face. Give your time to loving and nurturing yourself. Let go of the rest.
by Amy Matthews | Mar 2, 2018 | Mindset |
Perfectionism is the big elephant in the room.
As women, we’ve grown up in a culture where we’re valued by the way we look and perform. We’ve learned that getting “ahead” or getting “what we want” requires looking and acting a certain way. The truth is we’ve bought into these societal rules and the result is we don’t show up as our true selves.
You may think that striving for perfection is a good thing. I’m here to tell you it’s not.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a big believer in having high standards. But perfectionism is when you refuse to accept anything but perfect. It’s a sign of low self esteem and leads to excessive worry, anxiety and unhappiness. There’s an even darker side of perfectionism – when a woman feels insecure and undermines another as a way to feel better about herself.
Until we learn how to release our perfection and show up authentically, we’ll never be able to step fully into our power.
Here are my 6 tips to let go of perfection:
1. Ask, why do I believe I need to be perfect? Once you listen to the answer, I bet you’ll see you are loved for who you are, not what you do or how you look.
2. Stop the self doubt talk. Start trusting yourself and the decisions you make. Doubting yourself is about focusing on the past. It wastes your precious time.
3. Release your judging mind. Judgment only leads to negativity and an overly critical view of yourself and others. Who wants that?
4. Don’t compare yourself or your life to others. Most often, you compare yourself to someone you think has more or is doing more than you. This is never
a win-win.
5. Let go of how you think it’s supposed to be. Instead of being and doing what you think you are supposed to be and do, claim who you really are.
6. Don’t let mistakes you make stop you from moving forward. We all make them. You are more than worthy and enough. Learn from the mistake and #KeepGoing.
