I had a glass of wine with a woman who I recently met at an event. She’s in her mid to late 40s, beautiful, self aware, accomplished and down to earth. We started chatting and the conversation led to dating.

She told me she has a history of dating uber successful men. The type of man who wants a woman to support his agenda and his success, who prefers a woman to be the silent power in the relationship.

She said: “I need to learn to be that kind of woman but that’s not who I am.”

I said: “Then why learn to be that kind of woman?”

Many of us have been conditioned to play the supporting role in our own lives. We learned from the women that came before us. Instead of pursuing our own passions and dreams, we help husbands, partners, children, clients, friends, you name it, pursue theirs. We put their wants and needs and wellbeing before our own. Why? Because we think it’s our role. Whether you relate or not, we all know women to nominate for best supporting actress in real life.

I just saw the movie, The Wife. Glenn Close plays a dutiful and devoted wife, willing to sacrifice herself so her husband can ultimately receive the highest of honors and recognition. My favorite line in the movie is when her husband’s colleague asks her what she does. She replies; “I am a king maker.”

History will repeat itself, unless you choose differently. Unless you become front and center in your own life. Unless you rise up to what you really want and help other women do the same. Unless you wholeheartedly believe you are a Queen. 

Be your very own queen maker. Your time is now.