by Amy Matthews | Feb 28, 2024 | Business, In-Power, Inspiration, Mindset |
When I first began to think about creating my consulting and coaching business, I started to write every morning about what I wanted. I was in a reflective period, I had recently broken up with a boyfriend and was in a growth spurt.
First thing after waking, sitting in my living room with a cup of Joe in hand, I wrote. The title at the top of the page, WHAT I WANT. I wrote a stream of consciousness, permitting myself to write whatever came to mind, with no rules, and anything goes. Every day for a month, I wrote for 15 minutes. Then every day for another month and another month after that.
I got super clear. I got a conviction. I got committed. I got confident, to take action and start creating my life on my terms. Thus, the beginning of my coaching process.
That was 10 years ago. Back then, my business was called Eat the Brownie. I’ve always been super inspired to help people realize their full potential and get what they want, whether it’s more joy, freedom, money, success, peace of mind or whatever brings meaning. This is what “Eating the Brownie” is all about, knowing who you are, what you want and creating a life with #no regrets. (Read the story that inspired “Eat the Brownie” here.)
I call my morning writing ritual “Brownie Pages”, a take on Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages, the amazing author of the Artist’s Way.
What I know for sure is this: if you take the time to get out of mind mugginess, you will gain clarity on what you want. And if you take repeated action towards it, in 6 months your life will change. It’s how I got to where I am now. I changed where I live and what I do. My life looks very different than it did 10 years ago.
AND drum roll please..it’s time to do it again! Starting right now – 2 full months – I’m committed to writing “Brownie Pages” each and every day. So I can expand my vision for myself, my business and my life. And make 2024 the best year ever.
Who wants to join me? In just 8 weeks, you will have more clarity, conviction, and confidence to create the life you really want. Come on, let’s do this together.
Life is short, let’s get the party started. You in? Send me an email (amy at womanunruled dot com) and let me know!
by Amy Matthews | Feb 22, 2024 | Blog, Business, In-Power |
I was walking with my dog Pie the other day and there is a stretch by the water where I can take her off-leash. As soon as I unclipped her, I received a text from a client that required immediate attention. Completely immersed in my phone, a few minutes later, I heard a scream, “clean up your dog’s mess!”
As soon as I took my eye off the ball, Pie did her business.
I completely get why anyone would get pissed off when a dog owner doesn’t act responsibly. Totally fair. But the funny thing, I had poop bags exploding from my pockets for all to see. I still got the scornful look and a shameful-induced reaction.
So I said: “Thanks for pointing it out. You can see, I have bags galore. Shaming isn’t necessary.” The person must have been surprised by my comment. Then said, “Your dog is so cute.”
The art of humiliating and shaming others is at an all-time high. Bashing celebrities, music icons, political rivals, leaders of all kinds, you name it. It’s all over the news and social media, every single day.
Let’s break it down.
Shaming is s way of gaining power over others. It’s a way to feel in control. It’s judgment on steroids and its purpose is to modify behavior and keep people in their place. When a shamer points the finger, they feel greater than and feel good about themselves.
Business is hard these days. Revenue expectations and profitability goals are through the roof, companies are pivoting, some are faltering, and investors are aiming to acquire for pennies on the dollar. In addition, there is a disconnect between the values of the old guard and what the new guard of employees value and want from their jobs. Gen Z’s value autonomy, flexibility, purposeful work and work-life balance.
Clearly, the old model of wringing out as much as you can from employees is dead. Yet as a CEO or executive, the pressure to generate results while balancing the needs of your employees can be tricky, especially when delivering constructive feedback.
There are subtle ways providing feedback can come across as shaming. Before providing any, be clear on your intention and the specific results you want from the conversation. Script out your message, be clear, always start with a positive and look for positive outcomes.
To create a highly productive team and organization, focus on your people’s strengths, understand what they value, empower them so they feel motivated and inspired to make their biggest contribution.
Ways to work with me:
by Amy Matthews | Dec 10, 2023 | Blog, In-Power, Mindset |
Many people have a short fuse these days.
Not only are the holidays upon us, add the stressors of congregating with extended family, the lingering effects of the pandemic, worldwide divisiveness, weather mayhem, and end-of-year work issues, we have a lot on our plates and a lot to digest. As a client of mine so aptly put, “There is a feeling of chaos everywhere.”
The current environment is a perfect storm for altercations to arise. Conversations can ignite, quickly escalate and get out of hand.
Here are a few tips to avoid conflict this holiday season:
👉 Don’t be surprised if a disagreement arises. There is a ton of frustration and anger in the air. If you are on the receiving end, before firing back a response, take a moment and breathe.
👉 Be curious. Hmm..why is she/he/they upset? Is it about me or just transference taking place? 9 times out of 10, the reason the person is upset has nothing to do with you.
👉 Do your best to not take what he/she/they say personally. I know, easier said than done! Yet, it is easier than opening yourself up to attack or an explosive conversation.
👉 State your truth in a calm, centered, compassionate manner. By all means, avoid saying things back like:
👉 “You make no sense.”
👉 “You are so defensive.”
👉 “I told you so.”
👉 “You shouldn’t do it that way.”
👉 “You never listen.”
👉 All verbal disasters waiting to happen.
If you follow the steps above and are still under personal attack, agree to disagree. Or table the conversation for another time. Or walk away. This way you will avoid hearing and saying things you will regret.
And the final step?
SHAKE IT OFF AND GO ABOUT YOUR DAY. Just like my dog, Pie does.
by Amy Matthews | Dec 6, 2023 | Blog, In-Power, Inspiration, Mindset |
The topic of boundaries is coming up in conversations with clients these days – I MEAN A LOT. With the added pressure of the holidays and finishing out the year, the need for setting boundaries is everywhere.
Boundaries at work with bosses, employees, customers and clients. At home and our social lives, with spouses/partners, children, friends and community. We know boundaries are important, yet most of us struggle to create them.
It’s human nature to want to be loved and accepted so we believe if we say NO, a calamity could happen. We will be rejected. Or judged. Or labeled not good enough, not reliable enough. Or nixed out of the group. Our fear and mental chatter takes over and sounds something like:
If I can’t meet the deadline, they won’t be my client. If I say NO, I won’t get the promotion. If I say NO, he/she/they might quit and shit will hit the fan. If I say NO, he/she/they won’t like me or will move on to someone else. If I say NO, I won’t be asked back again.
Who am I to have boundaries, anyway?
Who are you not to have boundaries. With all that’s happening in our world, it’s time to let the old chatter go. Boundaries are essential for our productivity, success, wellbeing and happiness.
If you find yourself at wit’s end without reserve in your tank, perhaps, you’re saying YES to working 14 hour days or to people who don’t respect your schedule, or to the demands of your kids or catering to others expectations of you and to what you’ve always done for them.
We can’t always have things the way we want them. No question, there are many times we need to say YES out of obligation or duty – that’s just life. Saying YES is a good thing but not all the time. Saying NO is the first step to finding room for what we want more of in our lives.
Boundaries empower us and contribute to feeling we’re in the DRIVER’S SEAT of our lives.
Is there one boundary you can set today?
by Amy Matthews | Feb 21, 2023 | Business, In-Power |
Communication is the key to all healthy and thriving relationships. Though we know this to be true, we often don’t make it a priority, forget to share details, or avoid a conversation altogether.
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We fear and worry about how the other party will respond.
- Will they get angry?
- Reject me?
- Be hurt?
- Think negatively of me?
- Will I open a can of worms?
- Will it take too much time?
If we had our druthers, most of us prefer to steer clear of conflict and confrontation. Why? Because it’s uncomfortable. We are social creatures and are wired to want to be liked and belong. In fact, long ago our survival depended on it. We want to be “the nice guy”, “the good girl” and get the seal of approval from everyone. We prefer to not rock the boat and stay above the fray rather than get our hands dirty.
No wonder conflict avoidance is a real thing.
The truth is, avoiding conflict begets more conflict. We’ve all encountered a boss, partner or friend who would rather sweep an issue under the rug, ignore it and pray it will go away. This style only leads to frustration, resentment and feeling disconnected. Soon enough, you’re ready to explode.
Here are my simple and proven communication strategies for dealing with conflict:
1. Be Prepared – Know what you want to say ahead of time and practice
2. Be Clear – Keep it clear and concise
3. Be Confident – be strong in your point of view
4. Be Thoughtful – be respectful, speak with empathy and compassion
5. Be Grounded – eliminate distractions, stay present and calm
6. Be Willing – Listen and hear the other person out
7. Be Open – problem solve and look for synergistic outcomes
If you’ve been putting off a conversation, hesitating to voice your opinion or provide direct feedback, take the time to write down what you intend to say. Then practice! When you’re ready, initiate the conversation.
Communication is an art form. It takes time and commitment and will pay off in spades.
by Amy Matthews | Feb 2, 2023 | Blog, Business, In-Power |
It’s a brand-spanking new year, So what’s next for you?
With all the changes over the past three years, it still can feel like the landscape is shifting under our feet. Many clients, friends and others I talk with are reconsidering what they believe in, value, and want from their careers.
Here are a few examples:
- Some laid off, feeling confused, doubting themselves, their skills, and their value.
- Others wake up most days with a nagging feeling of not being fulfilled, after being on the fast track for years.
- Another, who is in a soul-sucking job knows she can’t go on another minute.
- Entrepreneur clients have come to the conclusion their business model is no longer sustainable.
No matter your current situation, whether you’ve had a recent setback, facing failure you didn’t create or feel you lost your true north, it’s easy for anxiety and to rear its ugly head. When making any change, it’s natural to question what matters, your purpose, direction, and even your very own existence.
After working with hundreds of people to navigate their next position, I’ve learned if you stay grounded, committed, and willing to see it through, you will find your next position – that’s the perfect fit. I’ve also found that these proven and effective tips will make any career transition easier:
Proven + Effective Tips To Make Any Career Transition Easier
1) BE INTENTIONAL
Develop the criteria that you want in your next position. What industries? What size companies? What’s the role? What are the people and culture like? What attributes in a boss do you want?
2) LEAD WITH AND LEVERAGE YOUR STRENGTHS
Own who you are which includes your strengths, skills, values and passions and what sets you apart from others. Your authenticity is your strongest asset.
3) BE DISCERNING AND HAVE AN ABUNDANT MINDSET
Think quality over quantity. If a company or position doesn’t light you up, it’s not for you. There will be others that do. Be committed to what you are looking for, while open to possibilities.
4) DEVELOP A STRATEGY AND PLAN
Start with creating a list of target companies. Research job openings. Get your resume and LI Profile up to snuff. Leverage your LI network and contacts.
5) INTERVIEW PREPARATION
Research and do your homework. Spend three times the amount of time of the actual interview preparing for it. Develop a list of questions you want to ask. Think of it as a first date.
6) TRUST THE PROCESS
More often than not, there will be twists and turns through the process. Hold out for the right position and be confident you will land a meaningful role where you can make a difference.
