by Amy Matthews | Mar 26, 2019 | In-Power |
Self confidence always comes up in conversations with clients. A lack of it is the one universal thing that holds us back. Most of us are confident in some situations in life. Perhaps you’re killing it in your job. You aced the preso or just landed your biggest client. Or your tennis game is off the charts. Or your relationship with your partner is WAY better. Or you feel a sense of ease that you haven’t felt in a very long time, or EVER.
But then something happens:
The product you’ve poured your soul into didn’t make the cut
The client you’ve worked so hard to get chose someone else
You didn’t get the offer
The cute guy you met on Tinder disappeared
Confidence can be tricky – one day you feel it, the next you don’t. The truth is:
real confidence isn’t situational. It’s knowing in your heart of hearts that you are enough. That you can do anything you choose to do. That everything will be okay – actually is – okay.
We’re not born with confidence. Confidence takes courage. It takes trusting yourself. The more you take inspired action towards what you want – regardless of the outcome – the more confident you’ll become.
It’s never too late to build your self confidence muscle. What actions are you going to take today to feel more confident?
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by Amy Matthews | Mar 19, 2019 | In-Power |
We all want to be liked, accepted and validated. It’s part of being human.
The problem is when we lose sight of what we want and what is best for us because we’re chasing after the approval of others.
After my corporate gig in Silicon Valley, I took a job as VP of Sales for a start-up. I knew if wasn’t a good fit after only 5 days in the role. The 30 year old founder/CEO was a control freak and fear based. Instead of listening to my intuition, I told myself, I CAN DO THIS. I CAN MAKE THIS WORK. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t able to get the acknowledgement I wanted. I forfeited myself to make it “work”. I put myself through extreme misery. It wasn’t pretty. I would have been MUCH better off if I had called it a day, cut my losses after that 1st week. Lesson learned.
Have you ever sacrificed your own well being, trying to prove yourself to yourself and others? At some point, I think we all have. Many of us have been groomed to believe
“I am what I think you think I am.”
It’s time to unravel that belief. It’s time to value your own opinion of yourself – above all else. You get to create life situations that energize you. You get to surround yourself with people who value you and support you.
You get to create the life you really want. So what is it that you really want – right now? Comment below, I’d love to hear!
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by Amy Matthews | Mar 5, 2019 | In-Power |
Throughout our lives we’ve been programmed to do our best, look our best, be our best.
We strive. We perform. We win. We get into the best schools. We go for the graduate degree. We get that coveted position. We earn the promotion. We start the company.
We learned along the way that to be loved, we needed to excel at what we do.
You’ve accomplished what you set out to do and your vision for yourself. It’s been a gratifying ride. One day instead of feeling a sense of pride, you wake up exhausted. You feel lonely. Your amazing track record isn’t doing it for you anymore. You ask “is this all worth it?” You needn’t throw the baby out with the bath water. The simple truth is, you’ve been neglecting yourself and your needs.
It’s time to make yourself a priority. It’s time to reconnect with your passions and what makes you feel good. It’s time to Identify what you want more of and less of – in your life.
Perhaps you want more space, more quiet, more calm. More fun and adventure. More exercise and walks in nature. More love and connection. More creativity and spark. Less worry and stress.
You are the artist of your life and can paint anything you want. Let your heart lead the way and your mind follow.
by Amy Matthews | Feb 26, 2019 | In-Power |
Men are notorious for controlling behavior and get a bad rap, especially in these times. The truth is, women can be just as controlling as men. In some circumstances, even more so.
We’re successful, driven women. We’ve been brought up in a culture where we’re valued on how we look and perform. Many of us tend to be perfectionists and expect things to be a certain way. We also are the ones keeping it all together, both at work and at home. So we tend to overdo for our kids, our husbands, partners and employees. We control our eating, our exercise, our future and the people closest to us. Perhaps it’s because we have a deep seated fear that we’ll implode if life doesn’t turn out exactly as planned.
I’m a recovering perfectionist so believe me, I get it.
Loosen your grip on the reins of your life and let your guard down. Why?
To bring more joy and spontaneity to your life. To not fear life will fall apart if you stop running on overdrive. To not fret over things that are out of your control – which btw, is most everything.
You are loved for who you are, not what you do. Trust you’ll get results without controlling everything and everyone. The people in your life will be grateful and you’ll have much more fun.
If I can do it, so can you. You got this.
by Amy Matthews | Feb 21, 2019 | In-Power |
I had a glass of wine with a woman who I recently met at an event. She’s in her mid to late 40s, beautiful, self aware, accomplished and down to earth. We started chatting and the conversation led to dating.
She told me she has a history of dating uber successful men. The type of man who wants a woman to support his agenda and his success, who prefers a woman to be the silent power in the relationship.
She said: “I need to learn to be that kind of woman but that’s not who I am.”
I said: “Then why learn to be that kind of woman?”
Many of us have been conditioned to play the supporting role in our own lives. We learned from the women that came before us. Instead of pursuing our own passions and dreams, we help husbands, partners, children, clients, friends, you name it, pursue theirs. We put their wants and needs and wellbeing before our own. Why? Because we think it’s our role. Whether you relate or not, we all know women to nominate for best supporting actress in real life.
I just saw the movie, The Wife. Glenn Close plays a dutiful and devoted wife, willing to sacrifice herself so her husband can ultimately receive the highest of honors and recognition. My favorite line in the movie is when her husband’s colleague asks her what she does. She replies; “I am a king maker.”
History will repeat itself, unless you choose differently. Unless you become front and center in your own life. Unless you rise up to what you really want and help other women do the same. Unless you wholeheartedly believe you are a Queen.
Be your very own queen maker. Your time is now.
by Amy Matthews | Jan 15, 2019 | In-Power |
I find this to be true among women:
No matter what a woman does, whether an aspiring entrepreneur, company executive, artist, social worker, stay at home mom, whether living a lavish or modest life, no matter her life circumstances, women struggle with putting themselves first.
It’s a core issue that keep us small and gets in the way of embracing our power.
We were taught to take care of others before ourselves. We are wired to prioritize
the needs of others over our own. We learned it was the right thing to do. For many women, it defines who they are. So no wonder, when I say, Put Yourself First, many women are baffled! I’m told they don’t know how, that they’ll feel guilty or at the very least, uncomfortable.
To live a life you’ve never lived, you need to do things you’ve never done. It won’t always be easy or feel comfortable. But here’s the thing: when you start making yourself a priority, you’ll feel deliciously good about YOU.
This week, consider your needs and desires, without thinking about others first. Write a list of things you can immediately do for yourself. Go for a walk or hike, sign up for that new class, schedule time with your boss to ask for the promotion, take a bubble bath, schedule a massage…you get the drill. Your homework for today and every single day:take care of yourself before taking care of others.
What gift will you give yourself today?
