by Amy Matthews | Dec 18, 2018 | Inspiration |
‘Tis the season of giving – at least that’s what we’re programmed to believe and do.
I passed a store the other day with a lighted G I V E sign in the window and it occurred to me – why isn’t there a R E C E I V E sign too? Being able to receive is just as important as giving – no matter what time of year.
For those of us always doing for others, that includes men, receiving can be uncomfortable and even feel vulnerable. Many of us learned from an early age to “put others wants and needs before our own” and that “giving is better than receiving”.
Receiving and giving are yin and yang – we need both to be balanced – to be whole.
Give with an open heart – from a place of love, not from expectations. Giving from your heart brings joy and connectedness yet giving from expectations, leaves you frustrated and exhausted. The same goes for receiving. Receiving gracefully empowers the giver and deepens your connection.
This season, make room for receiving. Let go of control and let others have the fun of giving. Accept a compliment with a “thank you.” Allow a stranger to help you. Receive kind words from a loved one with grace. Receive a beautiful gift with heartfelt gratitude.
Be receptive, take it all in. You deserve it – every inch of it.
by Amy Matthews | Nov 20, 2018 | Inspiration |
I love Thanksgiving. It’s a time to pause, reflect and open our hearts.
We all have much to be grateful for, especially those of us who haven’t been touched
by the California fires or the many natural disasters around the world. I count my lucky stars everyday.
Expressing gratitude for the people we care about – loved ones, friends, colleagues, employees – comes easily to most of us. It’s much harder to give it to ourselves. The truth is, we can’t rely or expect others to offer us gratitude, we must grant it to ourselves. It’s a muscle we need to exercise and it takes practice.
Ask yourself:
What am I grateful for about me?
When you are truly grateful for who you are, you respect yourself. You love yourself.
You are kind to yourself. You show up for yourself and for others.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving:
Thank you for being YOU.
Thank others who contribute to your life.
Be grateful for the fortunate situations you find yourself in.
Wishing you a heartfelt, connected and very fun holiday!
by Amy Matthews | Nov 13, 2018 | Inspiration |
Twelve years ago I went to Goa, India with my sister to attend a lavish, off the charts birthday party of one of her friends. We then met her husband and kids and explored Rajasthan. After an amazing 10 days, we parted ways as they were continuing on and I was flying back to San Francisco that night.
I had a full day to explore Delhi on my own. The hotel told me about a grand bizarre that was happening that day, a place selling beautiful, Indian scarves and shawls. It was held in a large warehouse and individual artisans were selling their creations. The space was dark and dimly lit.
I was looking at a particular shawl and asked the artisan if there was better light to see. He didn’t understand what I was asking and I heard a man’s voice behind me translating what I was saying. As I turned around to see who was helping me, a very tall, handsome Indian man, with sparkly brown eyes was smiling at me.
We struck up a conversation. His name was Niraj. He lived in Washington D.C., worked for the World Bank and was In India visiting his parents. Our interaction was light and playful, yet intense, in an out of this world way. We exchanged information.
As I walked away, I said to myself, Wow, what was that?
When my plane landed back in the States, I had an email from Niraj, asking me to meet for tea the following day. I told him I had just flown back and he said he would call me when he returned home in a couple of weeks. At that moment, even though we lived on opposite coasts, I knew we would get together. I just knew – in my heart and soul.
After being back in San Francisco for a month, I wondered why I hadn’t heard from Niraj. A couple days later, he called. He told me he was at John Hopkins hospital. He had returned from India 2 weeks prior and was having dizzy spells. After many tests, he found out he had a rare type of brain cancer.
Life can change on a dime.
Crazy as it sounds, I had a feeling I could fall in love with this man – and at the same time – I thought he might die. It scared me. Instead of moving towards it, I decided to protect myself. I rationalized my feelings – we could stay in touch and be friends.
Niraj died less than one year after we met. I’ve learned a lot since then. Looking back, I regret not saying “Yes” to it. I could have experienced love of a lifetime. It could have changed my life forever.
What moves your heart and soul? What are you not saying YES to? Whatever it is, go forward. Even if it’s scary. Or inconvenient. Or messy.
Life is shorter than we think. Take action towards what you want – that brings you joy – that stirs you – every single day.
Heed the call. Live with #NoRegrets.
by Amy Matthews | Oct 9, 2018 | Inspiration |
I went to my high school reunion this weekend – which was an absolute blast. I stayed with a long time friend of mine, we met in 8th grade biology class. Lol. We share fond memories together. I was in her wedding. I knew her parents. I know her family. She knows mine. There’s nothing quite like a friend who has known you since you were fourteen, right? I am very grateful for our friendship.
Though we’re dear friends, we couldn’t be more different.
We have different perspectives, differing points of view, different beliefs. It occurred to me that our differences mirror what is happening in our country today.
I’m a big proponent of sharing your truth and what you stand for – even when others disagree or have a differing opinion. Stand for what you believe in, no matter what. Here’s a caveat. Always be kind and communicate with respect. You don’t need to make the other person wrong.
It’s our differences, not our similarities that make us grow.
Next time you’re talking with your spouse, partner, sibling, child, colleague or friend, be open and curious to their point of view. Listening to different perspectives keeps you open. It keeps you flexible. It makes you better.
Celebrate your differences.
by Amy Matthews | Sep 4, 2018 | Inspiration |
Are you scared to say how you feel and what you really want?
As women, we’re accustomed to not asking for what we want. Some of us are even uncomfortable knowing what we want. As if there’s something aggressive about being clear and then asking for it. The truth is, we admire this quality in men but not in women. A double standard, for sure.
Here’s a conversation I had with a client last week:
She’s been divorced for 5 years and a man she dated before she married reached out to her on Facebook. He had just lost his wife to cancer. When they met, it was like old times. They get together periodically and talk on the phone for hours.
She was confused. She didn’t know where he stood. She was having a hard time focusing because she was obsessing over this relationship. She said she would wait to see what happens. Then she opened up to me:
He is the love of my life.
When I heard that, I said:
Why wait. Tell him how you feel. That you enjoy spending time together. How he has always held a special place in your heart. That he is the love of your life! That in the future when he’s ready, you’d like to date him.
My client told him how she feels. He said he wasn’t ready yet and they agreed to be good friends – for now. The result? My client feels better. She feels empowered. She feels free. She’s now super focused on doing things to better herself and her life.
Is there something getting in the way of asking for what you want?
Why wait. Get clear and take deliberate action – today.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 6, 2018 | Inspiration |
Even when women are super accomplished, they can doubt themselves.
We can feel stress over an important upcoming presentation, anxiety before an audition or anytime we embark on something we haven’t done before.
I see this with my coaching clients. I see this with myself. It happens to the best of us.
Deep down, we doubt our abilities. We lack confidence. We don’t trust we can do it.
Most men exude confidence. A man raises his hand for the promotion, even when he’s not qualified. A woman raises her hand if she’s encouraged to do so or if she is overqualified.
I think it has to do with our beliefs. Here’s a personal story:
I’ve been doing a ton of new things as I build Woman UnRuled. FB Lives, online programs, videos, webinars, speaking engagements, becoming a gender parity expert and trainer…the list goes on. I was feeling overwhelmed. Then I had a major breakthrough.
I realized, I was running a childhood tape in my head: What if I can’t?
Whoa! So I turned off my self defeating tape. And I turned on these mantras:
I Got This!
I Am Certain I Can Do It!
I Always Get What I Want!
Yes I Can!
We sometimes need to act confident before we are. We need to believe we can do it before we do it. In other words, we need to fake it ‘til we feel it.
Do you have a tape you’re running that’s holding you back? First, get in touch with it. Then replace it with positive affirmations that lift you up.
Whatever your current situation — whether you’re in a new role at work, a new mother, starting a business, recovering from an illness or just trying to keep up with the demands of everyday life, wholeheartedly believe you can do anything.
Yes. Anything. Yes You Can.
