by Amy Matthews | Aug 20, 2018 | Mindset |
Women and men can be so hard on themselves. We can be our own worst enemies. If this sounds like you or a person you know, read on!
Early in life, we learn there is “a right way to be, look and act” and “a wrong way to be, look and act”. Because our need for approval, love and acceptance is strong, we absorb these potent messages from society and our families. Without realizing it, we conform. We try to “do it right“. We try to fit in to avoid rejection, criticism and even abandonment. Makes sense to me.
But here’s the deal:
When we fall short or don’t match up to the “perfect ideals” that are placed upon us, we judge ourselves. We criticize ourselves. We doubt our actions. We feel less than. We eventually adopt the belief that “we’re not good enough.”
We all have a “not enough” story. Not smart enough, beautiful enough, powerful enough, thin enough, articulate enough – the list goes on. Whatever it is for you, at some point, you gotta ask:
Is my “not enough” belief true?
Bet not. Empower yourself and create a new story.
Do I want to be other than who I really am?
Nope. Being anyone other than YOU doesn’t feel good.
Do I want to think less of me than others do?
No. Belittling yourself keeps you small. It keeps you in comparison mode.
The truth is, trying to be perfect is a waste of your precious energy because there is no such thing as perfection! Cut yourself some slack. Love yourself up, just the way you are. Become besties with your perfectly, imperfect self.
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.
Be kind to the world in which you live.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 14, 2018 | Mindset |
Disappointment is real. It happens to all of us. Anytime you put time and energy into something you’re invested in and the outcome isn’t what you wanted, disappointment can rear its ugly head.
It can be life changing. You lose your job. Your 20 year marriage splits. You lose your life’s savings. You’re betrayed by someone you love. And there are the smaller, everyday disappointments. A friend lets you down. A work project goes awry. Plans are canceled. The new restaurant that everyone says is amazing, isn’t.
Here’s the thing: big or small, if you let a disappointment fester, it can paralyze you. I’ve seen this with some coaching clients. If it’s a biggie, at first, spending time under the covers may be a good idea and exactly what you need. But it doesn’t have to take years to get over. At some point, you need to bounce back. You gotta get up, dust yourself off and start creating what’s next.
Here are a few tips I’ve learned to move through disappointment:
1. Acknowledge it and feel your feelings! Don’t try to push your feelings away or rationalize them. Let them out, let it rip. Once you do, you’ll gain perspective.
2. Don’t dwell on the past. The sooner you accept what happened, the sooner you can open yourself up to new possibilities.
3. Learn from what happened and most importantly, be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
4. Let go of unrealistic expectations, they only get in the way of your happiness. Try to not get attached to a certain outcome – that’s what will trip you up.
It’s not about what happens, it’s about how you handle it.
You have a choice, it’s up to you.
by Amy Matthews | Jul 10, 2018 | Mindset |
No matter what age or experience level, so many women don’t feel good about themselves. They don’t feel good about who they are and doubt their choices, actions and desires.
I’ve found that even the most gorgeous, successful and kind woman is still hard on herself and can doubt her very existence.
Sound like you?
It’s our birthright to feel good. Better than good, I mean Awesome. We came into this world feeling good but like a sponge, we absorbed our family programming and the shoulds of society. Not feeling good enough, not worthy, not pretty or handsome can feel more familiar than feeling comfortable in our own skin. Maybe it’s because we weren’t taught to feel good. Or even, feel guilty about feeling good.
When you’re not feeling good, you block all the love and abundance meant for you.
It’s time to unlearn and unravel your old ways of being. It’s time to let go of beliefs and habits that aren’t serving you. That don’t lift you up. That don’t contribute to feeling good about yourself.
What limiting beliefs, patterns or attachments are you ready to let go of? Write them down. Create a ceremony to release the past and whatever no longer serves you.
We’re half way through the year. Let’s start Fresh. Let’s #Breakfree. Come on, it’s Time.
Empower Yourself and Let Go.
by Amy Matthews | Jun 19, 2018 | Mindset |
I was in Carmel Valley last weekend with a group of women. I love getting away, even if it’s only a short distance. I always get inspired and gain a new perspective by being in a different scene.
One of the many conversations we had was about how it’s difficult to ask for help. At first, I was puzzled. Men are the ones who can’t ask for help, right? It’s hard for women too. Perhaps it’s because many of us identify with the caregiver role and aren’t comfortable with others taking care of us. Or we don’t want to appear needy or better yet, feel vulnerable.
Our minds can convince us that we don’t need help. Our internal dialog can sound something like this:
I can do this on my own.
It’s no big deal, I’ll be fine.
I would hate to inconvenience anyone.
What if I ask for help and I’m rejected?
Sound familiar? Without realizing it, what you’re saying to yourself is:
I’m not important. I’m not a priority. I don’t value my own needs.
Asking for help is a sign of strength. It’s a sign of courage. It’s a sign of loving yourself. It’s a sign of knowing what you need. It’s a sign that you know you are worthy.
Every single person on the planet needs help at times. Your family, friends and loved ones are there for you. Give them a heads up in advance that you need their help. Pick the people in your life that you can count on – your front row – and let them be there for you.
Ask for what you want. Ask for what you need. Make the first move because you can’t expect others to read your mind. Reach out and ask for help.
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by Amy Matthews | Jun 12, 2018 | In-Power, Mindset |
So many of us live by the “shoulds” of life. You know what I’m talking about.
The mental dilemma goes something like this:
What “should” I do vs. what feels right to do?
What “should” I say rather than what would I like to say?
How “should” I show up vs. how do I want to show up?
Listening to the shoulds is disempowering because it makes you constantly doubt yourself. How many times have you asked, did I do or say the wrong thing?
Shoulds are about obligation and meeting other people’s expectations. Shoulds drain your energy and are joy killers! Most importantly, they keep you from getting to know your authentic self and your own preferences.
Instead of being and doing what you think you are supposed to be and do, or what others think you should be and do, claim who you really are and what you really want. Start taking action from the “what brings you joy” place rather than from the “I should” place.
It can be simple if you let it. Do what makes you feel good. Stop doing what doesn’t.
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by Amy Matthews | Jun 5, 2018 | Mindset |
Most of us were brought up to care too much about what others think of us and the actions we take. Before making a big decision, we consult everyone in our circle. The conversation goes something like this:
“What’s your opinion?” “What do you think I should do?” “What would you do?”
Without realizing it, we give away our power to the other person.
The truth is, as women, we weren’t taught to be the authority of our lives.
When you care too much what people think of you and your ideas, especially loved ones like parents, siblings, spouse, partner or close friends, you give more weight to what others think than what you actually think and feel is the right thing to do. Other people’s advice, if not similar to your own, can stop you from pursuing what your mind, heart and intuition is telling you. It’s disempowering. It can keep you stuck.
I see this with clients and friends often. It’s not easy to make decisions without asking others for their opinion. It takes courage. It can be scary. It’s easier to defer to others. Here’s the deal. Ultimately, the buck stops with you. To be the authority of your own life, you have to learn to cut through the noise of what others tell you so you can hear your own true voice inside.
Once you do, you’ll feel more confident in taking action that serves YOU.
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