by Amy Matthews | Mar 2, 2018 | Mindset |
Perfectionism is the big elephant in the room.
As women, we’ve grown up in a culture where we’re valued by the way we look and perform. We’ve learned that getting “ahead” or getting “what we want” requires looking and acting a certain way. The truth is we’ve bought into these societal rules and the result is we don’t show up as our true selves.
You may think that striving for perfection is a good thing. I’m here to tell you it’s not.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a big believer in having high standards. But perfectionism is when you refuse to accept anything but perfect. It’s a sign of low self esteem and leads to excessive worry, anxiety and unhappiness. There’s an even darker side of perfectionism – when a woman feels insecure and undermines another as a way to feel better about herself.
Until we learn how to release our perfection and show up authentically, we’ll never be able to step fully into our power.
Here are my 6 tips to let go of perfection:
1. Ask, why do I believe I need to be perfect? Once you listen to the answer, I bet you’ll see you are loved for who you are, not what you do or how you look.
2. Stop the self doubt talk. Start trusting yourself and the decisions you make. Doubting yourself is about focusing on the past. It wastes your precious time.
3. Release your judging mind. Judgment only leads to negativity and an overly critical view of yourself and others. Who wants that?
4. Don’t compare yourself or your life to others. Most often, you compare yourself to someone you think has more or is doing more than you. This is never
a win-win.
5. Let go of how you think it’s supposed to be. Instead of being and doing what you think you are supposed to be and do, claim who you really are.
6. Don’t let mistakes you make stop you from moving forward. We all make them. You are more than worthy and enough. Learn from the mistake and #KeepGoing.
by Amy Matthews | Feb 19, 2018 | Mindset |
There seems to be an epidemic of overwhelm and exhaustion among many women today.
Can you relate?
I think it’s about overdoing – for ourselves and our loved ones. While in the whirlwind of overdoing, it’s easy to lose touch with yourself and what matters most in our lives. It’s far from grounded and joyful. Eventually, we’ll get sick or something will stop us in our tracks.
Overdoing stems from thoughts like: “No one else can do this” or “I can’t ask for help.” Or, “I can’t say No”. Or, it’s about wanting to feel needed or important. Whatever your reason, it happens when you hand over the reigns to your masculine side and let it run rampant and neglect your intuitive, nurturing feminine side.
Most of you know, I have a new puppy that’s 12 weeks old, Pie. She’s adorable AND a hand full!
For the past month, I’ve been sleep deprived, stressed, and been on overdrive. I don’t know about you, the more stress I have, the more I do. Ten days ago, my body broke down. I hurt my lower back and the pain I’ve felt has been debilitating – beyond crazy. All you mothers: I have even more understanding and compassion for all that you do!
I realized this: Sometimes You Have to Break Down to #BreakFree.
We’ve Got to Take Care of Ourselves the Same Way We Take Care of Others.
We’ve Got to Understand Our Limits and Know Our Boundaries.
We’ve Got to Learn to Ask for Help.
We’ve Got to Nurture Ourselves from the Inside Out.
Make sure the choices you make – every single day – what you eat and drink, what you do, the music you listen to, your thoughts, what you read, who you spend your time with – Nurtures YOU.
by Amy Matthews | Feb 5, 2018 | Inspiration, Mindset |
I am single, never married and don’t have kids.There is no way at age 25 that I could have imagined my life as it is now.
I was living in San Francisco, in my first sales job, beginning to make money and prove myself to myself and the world. I always thought I’d “settle down”, get hitched, have babies and live in the ‘burbs. I recall saying to my sister that I was just playing a role until the next stage of my life.
Funny how life is.
At the time, I had a boyfriend. We dated for 2 years and broke up when I was 27. It was a mutual split, but difficult nonetheless, as most breakups are. After we parted, he wrote me a letter and said, “Amy, please love yourself more”. I sobbed when I read it. Whoa. He nailed it.
That break up put me on a growth trajectory. I’m one of the “phoenix always rises” types. I changed jobs and moved to a new company. I built a new vertical market and became highly visible within said company. I worked my ass off, traveled non-fucking-stop, rose up the ranks and generally, let the job consume my every waking hour. Don’t get me wrong, it was a career highlight and the opportunity of a lifetime. I have many hilarious memories and enduring friendships from that period in my life.
And then, a gregarious, handsome, full-of-life Italian, who grew up in Florence, asked me out. The morning after our first date, when I walked into the office, my friend asked point-blank: “Did you sleep with him?” I said, “No, but I’m going to be with him for a long time.”
We were together almost 7 years.
He opened my heart and we loved each other deeply.
6 years into the relationship, a friend told me he was going to propose on our upcoming trip to Italy. After planning the trip and arriving in Tuscany during peak season, my guy, the Italian, forgot the itinerary. This was before the internet, so he had no record of our reservations. We were in San Gimignano, charming and very crowded — with no place to sleep.
Are
you
fucking
kidding me?
I get that he could have been nervous. Or preoccupied. When our plans went awry – or better said, when we no longer had any, perhaps we both saw it as a sign from the universe. We weren’t meant to be. We did make the best of the trip, creating a new adventure which I took in my hands to arrange. Truth be told, I always had a nagging feeling I couldn’t depend on him. So at this point, our relationship started to unravel. I felt there were too many cultural and lifestyle differences to build a long term life together.
A few months after we broke up, he came over to ask me if I wanted to have a baby with him. I said no. Believe me, I had no clue that was my chance! I could have had a baby on my own, of course, but I ultimately decided against that too. Looking back, my life could have expanded in so many different ways if I had said YES to a child. Lesson noted.
Although, things do happen for a reason. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
Since then, I’ve had several romantic relationships. I consider myself lucky in love. Each relationship has helped me grow into who I am. I’ve been on my path – a path of self discovery, empowerment, inspiration, learning and connection. I’ve created my life, every single inch of it.
All the choices I’ve made and everything I’ve done have led me to where I am now. I am comfortable in my own skin. I love myself. I love what I do. I love my life. I count my lucky stars everyday.
Also, you may know, I am a proud mama to the most adorable, 10 week old mini Goldendoodle! And, yes – I am ready to meet my guy.
You just gotta believe and have faith.
Join me for a 7 Day #BreakFree Challenge to bring greater freedom into your life. It’s Free. I’ll give you one specific action step each day for a full week. In just seven days, you’ll feel more empowered, energized, and inspired! That’s a promise. Join here. womanunruled.pages.ontraport.net/breakfree
by Amy Matthews | Jan 30, 2018 | Inspiration, Mindset |
Life is Right. I love this saying. It is so spot on. It’s easy to reject what’s happening in our lives if it’s not something we like. We question why it’s happening and deny that it is. It’s natural to push away what we don’t like, but often our reaction causes us more pain than what happened in the first place.
What if you had radical acceptance of what is? It can be as simple as accepting a trait of a loved one that drives you crazy, or the unkind words your boss said to you. Can you learn to say YES to whatever is happening in the moment? To all the yummy stuff and the not so yummy stuff.
All of us have experienced some of the not so yummy stuff: perhaps you had an early trauma, were let go from a job, or ended a committed relationship. Maybe you were betrayed, or are very ill, or lost a loved one or your life savings. No doubt, these situations are excruciatingly stressful, painful and life changing.
And yet, each time you are dealt a difficult experience, you also have a choice on how you move forward.
Going through a challenging time is an opportunity to feel the pain, grieve, and when you are ready, allow the situation to propel you forward on your life path. At first, spending time under the covers may be a good idea, but at some point, you need to get up, dust yourself off and start creating the new. All you can do is learn from the situation and most importantly, be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
Once you truly accept what is, you will wake up one day and know you’re on the other side. Life circumstances and the choices you make will get you to the right place. You just need to trust and wholeheartedly believe it. Life sometimes brings us lemons and we can choose to make sweet, luscious, liquid nectar out of it. Life is ease-y, life is right.
If you’ve experienced a loss and are grieving, have you ever considered working with a coach? I may be the right one for you. Sign up for your free 20 minute coaching session HERE.
by Amy Matthews | Jan 8, 2018 | Mindset |
Making decisions in life can feel like one big sorting process. I liken it to cleaning out your closet. When you go through your wardrobe to decide what to keep and what to toss, you will inevitably end up having a YES pile, a NO pile, and of course, the MAYBE pile. It’s amazing how much time you can waste deliberating over the maybes! When you can’t decide on what to do about a particular item, you often decide to keep it. At least that’s what I used to do.
I recently had this revelation – there are no Maybes. If we want and choose to, we can make decision-making very simple: it’s either YES or NO. I recently heard this saying from a friend: “If there is doubt, there is no doubt.” Translated, that means NO.
In work, relationships or any other aspect of life, you have to be 100% committed to what you’re creating to make it a success. If you have doubt or find yourself ambivalent about a person or situation, ask yourself: “why am I not all in?”
If it’s not a YES after you’ve put time and energy into making it one and you’re still deliberating, it’s time to cut your losses, put it in the NO pile, and move on. Trust yourself. Have faith there’s a better situation or someone out there just waiting for you.
If you’re having trouble moving forward, hiring a coach may be a great next step. Working with me, you’ll gain clarity and confidence. Together, we’ll map out a plan to get you where you want to go .
Sign up for a free 30 minute coaching session here: https://www.womanunruled.com/coaching-women
by Amy Matthews | Nov 27, 2017 | Mindset |
“Worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening. It just stops you from enjoying the good.” – Author Unknown
“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” – Erma Bombeck
Worrying has become an epidemic among women. There is the healthy kind of worry that is instinctual, like when a parent worries about the safety of their child. But there is the “not so good kind of worry”, a form of anxiety, which leads to overthinking. Do you know what I mean, when you go over and over it in your mind and can’t let it go? This type of worry wreaks havoc on our happiness, health and quality of life! So what’s the solution? Here are a few ways I’ve learned to turn off my worry button.
#1 Share your worry with someone close to you, a sister, friend, partner, or even a journal. By talking or writing it out, It will help you process it. You may realize your worry is not as big as it seems! Either way, getting it out of your head will make you feel better.
#2 Do things that divert your attention. Walk in the sunshine, get on that treadmill, head to a yoga class and breathe. Take yourself out to dinner. Dance! Whatever it is for you. Or listen to that podcast you love.
#3 Live in the moment. Most people worry about situations in the past or things that haven’t happened yet, or may never happen. If you live in the present, you say YES to joy in this very moment. This takes discipline, but it’s worth it: wouldn’t you rather be happy?
#4 Pay closer attention. Slow down and start monitoring your worries. Are they like a ping-pong ball? Are you ruminating about things which you can’t actually control? Is there a pattern to the stories you tell yourself? Once you become aware of your thoughts, they will have less of a grip over you.
Have you joined the #BreakFree Challenge yet? If not, Why Not? Here are a few comments from members:
I feel empowered and refreshed. Thank You!
I’ve learned what I love myself.
Focusing on what I want has been AMAZING!!!
Come on, join the party. It’s an inspiring, highly empowering, learning adventure!
Join here: http://womanunruled.pages.ontraport.net/breakfree
