11 Rules To Break To Set Yourself Free

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The B Word. Boundaries.

The B Word. Boundaries.

The topic of boundaries is coming up in conversations with clients these days – I MEAN A LOT.  With the added pressure of the holidays and finishing out the year, the need for setting boundaries is everywhere.

Boundaries at work with bosses, employees, customers and clients. At home and our social lives, with spouses/partners, children, friends and community. We know boundaries are important, yet most of us struggle to create them.

It’s human nature to want to be loved and accepted so we believe if we say NO, a calamity could happen. We will be rejected. Or judged. Or labeled not good enough, not reliable enough. Or nixed out of the group. Our fear and mental chatter takes over and sounds something like:

If I can’t meet the deadline, they won’t be my client. If I say NO, I won’t get the promotion. If I say NO, he/she/they might quit and shit will hit the fan. If I say NO, he/she/they won’t like me or will move on to someone else. If I say NO, I won’t be asked back again.

Who am I to have boundaries, anyway? 

Who are you not to have boundaries. With all that’s happening in our world, it’s time to let the old chatter go. Boundaries are essential for our productivity, success, wellbeing and happiness.

If you find yourself at wit’s end without reserve in your tank, perhaps, you’re saying YES to working 14 hour days or to people who don’t respect your schedule, or to the demands of your kids or catering to others expectations of you and to what you’ve always done for them.

We can’t always have things the way we want them. No question, there are many times we need to say YES out of obligation or duty –  that’s just life. Saying YES is a good thing but not all the time. Saying NO is the first step to finding room for what we want more of in our lives. 

Boundaries empower us and contribute to feeling we’re in the DRIVER’S SEAT of our lives.

Is there one boundary you can set today?

What breakthrough are you seeking?

Gratitude: The Spirit of Thanksgiving

Gratitude: The Spirit of Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. Those who haven’t been directly affected by the devastating wars around the world have much to be grateful for. I count my lucky stars everyday.

With collective conflict and polarization around every corner, it’s easy for divisiveness to seep into our own relationships. Perhaps what we need most right now is to listen better. To be curious, curb our judgment and open to another’s point of view. I know it’s a big ask but we can try. We all know what it feels like to not be understood. It’s frustrating, resentment and anger builds and we dig our heels into what we believe.
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Take a moment and ask:

What am I grateful for about the person across the table who believes what he/she/they believe?

We can hold different opinions and at the same time, give gratitude to the people we care about. When you are grateful and acknowledge another, you can grant permission to be grateful for yourself too. You in turn will show up and be present to others. You can have your cake and eat it too. (or Thanksgiving pie.)
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In the spirit of Thanksgiving:

Thank people who contribute to your life.
Thank you for being YOU.
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Most importantly, be grateful for the fortunate situation you find yourself in.

​​​​​Wishing you a delicious, connected and fun holiday! May we pause, reflect and open our hearts to joy.

What breakthrough are you seeking?

Want to Grow Your Business?

Want to Grow Your Business?

It’s an unprecedented time, to say the least. Stress, pressure, fear and anxiety are at another all time high. I wrote this 3 years ago and it hasn’t let up.

While it is true we’re living in a time where things seem a bit nuts, there is an upside.

Challenge wakes us up. It makes things real. It gives us clarity. It makes our will stronger. It creates opportunities. It makes us work smarter to achieve our goals.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

I’ve been an entrepreneur for 15 years. I co-founded a sales and marketing consulting group, an executive recruiting firm, and a business consulting and coaching practice. I had the foresight to hire consultants and coaches to advise me in areas such as creating on-line business, marketing, messaging, social media and everything tech. I decided early on that I didn’t want to wing it so I surrounded myself with experts I could learn from.

I’ve learned a lot through the years. I’ve worked with dozens of entrepreneurs and consulted with companies at every stage of growth. I’ve also helped corporate coaching clients create a side gig that became their main gig.

Whether you are an entrepreneur just starting out or a business owner in growth mode, each business phase requires different things from you. How would if feel to have an expert partner with you to:

  • Clarify your vision
  • Refine your business strategy and priorities
  • Create a compelling value proposition
  • Build authentic branding and messaging
  • Unique offerings and pricing
  • Sales and strategic partnerships
  • Expand and grow
  • Develop a certainty of success mindset

Download my Mindset Tips for Entrepreneurs.

 

What breakthrough are you seeking?

If you need some direction or your business needs a tune up, I can help.
Let’s talk. Book a complimentary call with me.

Are you 100% Committed?

Are you 100% Committed?

So many shifts in our lives these days.

I see it in my own life, clients and friends. It feels like two steps forward, one step back. It’s “on” one day, then it’s “off”, then it’s “on” again. A few examples just this past week:

  • About to accept a job offer and a new opportunity pops up
  • Pregnant, but now there’s twins!
  • An Investor or client says “yes” then “no” then…
  • Travel plans change and go awry
  • Another unexpected re-org

When life throws us a curve ball, it’s easy to live in the what if’s. But that’s where worry and uncertainty lie. Our minds create an out, even before we get to the finish line! You know what I mean:

  • What if it doesn’t happen?
  • Is it even what I want?
  • What if I don’t like it?
  • What if I fail?
  • What if I’m not up to the task?
We need to commit to a desired outcome without becoming attached to an exact outcome.

More than ever we need to be certain and committed. Certain about who we are, what we want, and engage in making what we want “happen.” We need to commit to a desired outcome, without getting attached to an exact outcome.

For instance, you want a new job. You make a commitment to yourself, you develop a strategy, get your resume and LI profile up to snuff, do your research, engage, and keep taking action. you are certain you will get a new position but don’t get attached to a specific job, with a specific company before the process is complete.

Or you want a romantic relationship. You commit to the process, put yourself out there, show up authentically, go on dates, all the while getting more clear on what you want. You are certain that it will happen, without getting attached to a certain person, early on.

Or, you want to become a confident leader. You commit to developing your skills, hire a coach, make your calls a priority, do the work, practice and show up consistently. You are certain if you put in the time, you will reach your goal.

The only way to get results, is to be 100% committed, take consistent action, while being open to how things will unfold. When you are 100% committed, you are all in. You may not know exactly “all the hows” to get what you want but once you commit, the universe magically begins to conspire to help you reach your goal.

What breakthrough are you seeking?

How to Thrive in Uncertainty

How to Thrive in Uncertainty

I’ve been writing about living with uncertainty for three years now. It’s still a popular topic as our day to day continues to shift. 

Uncertainty is a scary thing for most of us. We crave security and the fear of the unknown has caused anxiety and worry levels to skyrocket on a global level. The truth is, we grew up thinking we had control over situations, outcomes, people, and our environment. Then the events of the last three years happened. It brought us a stark reality we never had control in the first place.

As the new year unfolds, here are a few reminders on how to thrive in uncertainty:

Tips for Thriving In Uncertainty

1) It’s a Part of Life

Learn to Accept It. Wishing and wanting things the way they used to be, only makes us struggle, miserable, and even more fearful. We all know that what we resist, persists. If you find yourself worrying excessively, focus your attention on problems you can solve.

2) Create Different Possibilities

It’s hard not to know what the future holds. Yet, you can be open and plan for other scenarios. Your realm of possibilities lies at the intersection of your unique strengths, skills, values, and passions. Get creative and come up with a Plan B and even a Plan C.

3) Nix Expectations

Unrealistic expectations set you up for disappointment and will take you off your game. I’m a big believer in having high standards, a clear intention and vision, and consistently taking action toward your goals. Just don’t get attached to certain outcomes!

4) Exercise Your Resiliency and Adaptability Muscles

Resiliency is the key to success, especially during stressful times. Being able to reframe a difficult situation into something positive allows you to bounce back more quickly. Consistently exercising these muscles will build strength so you can handle anything that comes your way.

5) Focus on What You Can Control

We have control over many things. Our attitude, routine, the food we eat, exercise, beliefs, thought patterns, actions we take, how we respond to situations, the company we keep, and how we spend our time. Every single day, you get to make empowering choices that support your well-being. 

6) Practice Being Present

Our natural tendency is to run away from uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. That’s where mindfulness and meditation come in. When your mind starts racing, try taking a few deep breaths or a brisk walk. Either will help you shift so you can fully experience what’s happening at the moment.

Change is the only constant in life. You may not know exactly what lies ahead but you can open up and plan for expanded possibilities.

What breakthrough are you seeking?

When nothing is sure, everything is possible. - Margaret Drabble
The Procrastination + Perfectionism Loop

The Procrastination + Perfectionism Loop

I recently had a conversation with a client and we talked about how much work he had on his plate, how he was falling behind and the anxiety he was feeling. I asked him a few questions:

Do you consider yourself a procrastinator?

Are you a perfectionist?

Have you always been this way?

I got a resounding YES from all three questions.

I said: “Procrastination always leads to feeling shitty.” He smiled and nodded his head.

80% of high achievers suffer from procrastination due to their high standards and expectations of themselves.

And, people who tend to procrastinate are more likely to be perfectionists. Perfection and procrastination go hand in hand. The truth is, it’s perfectionism that inhibits productivity.

Perfectionists believe they are loved for what they do, how they look, or for Doing It Right. I’m a recovered perfectionist but it still rears its ugly head, usually when I try really hard and don’t get the results I want.

The Perfectionism/Procrastination Loop is like being on a hamster wheel. It begins with having unrealistic standards, then fear of failure sets in, then avoidance comes next to stir up guilt and stress, which leads to thinking and feeling shitty about yourself.

if i waited for perfection, i would never right a word. Margaret atwood

Here are my 5 tips to break the perfectionism cycle:

1. Ask yourself, why do I believe I need to be perfect?
Most likely, it was how you learned to get love as a small child. Once you ask yourself, ask the question again, I bet you’ll get a different answer. You’ll recognize that you are loved for who you are – not for what you accomplish.

2. Stop second-guessing.
Doubting yourself and your actions is usually about what happened in the past. “Should I have handled the situation differently?” Start trusting yourself and the decisions you make. If you focus on what’s happening now, you can make a positive impact.

3. Release the judgment.
It only leads to a negative view of everything – yourself, situations and all the people who truly matter to you. Judgment dilutes your vitality. Instead, direct your energy into what you love and what inspires you.

4. Stop being your worst critic.
“Who are you to think less of yourself than others do? Belittling yourself is so passé. It’s time to learn to be kind and gentle with yourself.

5. Let go of unrealistic expectations of yourself and others.
Expectations only create disappointment, especially if they aren’t met. Be open to how things unfold. The outcome may be better than you imagined.

Having high standards and working hard to achieve goals is how you get ahead in life. Just don’t let it affect your happiness and those around you.

If you’re ready to maximize
your leadership potential, let’s talk.

A bigger picture of success awaits.

Schedule your complimentary 30 minute
1:1 Clarity Call with me here.