by Amy Matthews | Feb 8, 2021 | In-Power, Mindset |
I was talking with a potential client early this week. She reached out because she wanted help figuring out what to work on to feel more comfortable at work. She’s smart, strategic and a high performer, as most of my clients are.
As we started to dig into her situation, I learned she works at an entrepreneurial company within a small team and the only female. It quickly became clear she needed help expressing her desires to her boss. She wanted more involvement in strategic projects and have her boss mentor her. Both fair requests. She knew what she wanted but was looking for the right words, something I help my clients with all the time.
We talked about how men and women communicate differently, how to have an intention for every conversation and how to be succinct and direct (just say it). She was clear on what to say yet she was holding back from saying it. She started questioning and doubting herself and had these all too familiar thoughts swirling in her head:
Can I ask for what I want?
How will I be perceived?
What if he says NO?
What if come across as too aggressive?
Then she recalled this story:
When she was applying for one of her first jobs, she asked a male friend for feedback on her cover letter. He dissected it, took out paragraphs that were fillers and helped her get to the point. Then he said to her: CHANNEL YOUR INNER WHITE MAN.
That got my attention. I get that phrase may be offensive to some, yet it works for this particular client. The truth is, we all identify with words that make us feel more powerful and confident. What words work for you? Here are a few ideas to get the party started:
CHANNEL YOUR INNER BADASS
CHANNEL YOUR INNER GODDESS
CHANNEL YOUR INNER WARRIOR
CHANNEL YOUR INNER SUPER HERO
If we all channeled a more confident and direct version of ourselves, asked for what we wanted, while not taking things personally, we would be powerful beyond measure.
To get the results you want from your next strategic conversation, channel your inner fill in the blank. Try it, it works.
by Amy Matthews | Jan 13, 2021 | In-Power, Mindset |
I was walking my dog, Pie, the day all hell broke loose in the Capital. Though it was raining, she needed to get outside and truth be told, I needed a break from the chaos. It was an unnerving day for all.
While on our walk, I encountered a man with a St. Bernard. We stopped to chat and let our dogs say hello. Pie, who weighs a mere 18 pounds, began to stare down the St Bernard from eight feet away, who my guess, weighs 110-120 pounds.
Then the play began. Pie held her own with this HUGE dog. She wasn’t intimidated, she wasn’t fearful, she didn’t feel threatened. She didn’t acquiesce to a dog that weighed 5 times what she weighs. NO WAY! She exuded confidence, determination persistence, and joy.
Then the man said, “She owns her power. AND she’s happy.” I laughed. He nailed it or better yet, he nailed who she is. It was the perfect exchange while processing the monumental events of the day.
There will always be people who think they are “bigger” than us. We all have encountered a bully or two in our lifetime, whether it be a CEO, a boss, a family member, a friend or a president. Here’s the thing: we get to decide whether we acquiesce. Those who abuse their power and mistreat others lack self-esteem, confidence and are not happy. Nuff said.
Own your power and be happy.
by Amy Matthews | Dec 30, 2020 | Inspiration, Mindset |
As we move into 2021, there is hope on the horizon, optimism in the air, and a glimpse of a brighter future. Though we aren’t out of the weeds yet and it won’t be all sunshine and rainbows, one thing is for sure. The new year will be better than the last.
It’s a powerful time to think about what we want to create and bring into our lives in the coming year.
It’s time to get intentional.
When I first start working with a new client, I ask them to create an intention for working together. If the goal is to find a new position, I want them to think about how they want to feel in the new role. Their intention can look something like this:
I am utilizing my superpowers at a company/brand that I deeply resonate with and love. My boss is awesome and I am valued for my contribution. My role is a perfect fit for me and I landed exactly where I’m supposed to be. I am getting the time with my family that I hold so dear and I feel energized, joyful, and am creating community.
Or if the goal is to get promoted into a leadership position, their intention looks something like this:
I wake up every day energized and excited to start my day. I show up authentically and no longer doubt myself and my actions. I speak up for what I believe in, stand for my team, and am confident in my leadership style. I feel a sense of ease in my life that I haven’t felt before.
No matter your goal, whether it’s around work, finding love or creating more abundance in your life, taking the time to write out the details allows you to be honest with yourself about what you truly want. Once you have it down on paper, open up to it. Believe wholeheartedly in it and allow the universe to answer you. Create a strategy, get into action and when it arrives, have the confidence to say YES.
Life is what you dream up.
As the new year begins, wishing you joy, ease, and magic.
Joy is imperative, especially now.
Joy gives us strength, energy, and stamina for what we need to do in the world.
To reconnect with YOUR joy, join me on the Eat the Brownie Challenge. Take an 8-day journey of introspection, inspiration, and passion with daily practices that support a connection with what makes you come alive, while easy-to-use tools help keep you on track.
by Amy Matthews | Nov 19, 2020 | Inspiration, Mindset |
Most high performers and I include myself in this category, expect a lot from themselves. Unrealistically so. We consistently overdo and over busy while at the same time, never feel ‘enough’. I see this across the board with my clients. As a recovered ‘hard on myself” master, I get it.
There isn’t a better time to release the mental chatter in our minds that doesn’t make us feel good or empowered. There isn’t a better time to start making permanent changes.
On that note, I am delighted to be published in an UpJourney article! It’s called “How to Not Beat Yourself Up.” My contribution is below.
How to Not Beat Yourself Up.
Across the board, women and men are hard on themselves. Especially high achievers. We live in a culture that worships perfection, overvalues how we look and perform and where playing the comparison game is the daily norm. Social media only makes matters worse. No wonder, many of us base our entire identity and on how others perceive us!
The truth is, we have lost our own sense of who we are and the ability to validate ourselves. No question, we all want to be loved and accepted. Yet, basing our entire self-worth on how others perceive us, is a disaster waiting to happen. There is no such thing as ‘perfect’. As we strive for the unattainable, feelings of unworthiness, anxiety, and self-doubt seep in – all contributors to low self-esteem.
So what to do about it? We learn to stop berating ourselves, comparing ourselves to others, and nix our expectations that cause disappointment and heartache. We learn to feel comfortable in our own skin and ultimately, become the authority of our own lives.
Ask yourself, “Why do I believe I need to be perfect?”
Perhaps like many of us, it was how we learned to get love as a small child. Ask yourself, then ask the question again. I bet you’ll get a different answer. You’ll recognize that you are loved for who you are – not only for what you accomplish or how you look.
Please stop the self-doubt talk
Doubting yourself and your actions are usually about what happened in the past. “Did I say the wrong thing?” Should I have said Yes?” “Was I Too Much?” Trust your intuition. Trust yourself and the decisions you make. If you focus on what’s happening right now, you can make a positive impact on the present and a difference in your future.
Release the judgment
Judgment only leads to negativity and an overly critical view of everything – the world, yourself, and all the people who truly matter to you. Judgment is heavy. It dilutes your precious energy. Instead, direct your energy into things that you love and inspire you.
Stop being your worst critic
Who are you to think less of yourself than others do? Belittling yourself is passe – it only keeps you small. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Make besties with your deliciously, imperfect self.
Let go of expectations of yourself
Expectations only create disappointment, especially if they aren’t met. Be open to how situations unfold. The outcome may be better than you imagined.
Try not to compare yourself or your life to others
The comparison game is usually played with someone you think has more or is doing more than you. Most likely, that isn’t true!
Let go of how you think you’re supposed to be
Instead of being and doing what you think you are supposed to be and do, claim who you really are. Your authentic self is your most powerful weapon.
Don’t let mistakes stop you in your tracks
We all make them. You are more than worthy and enough. Learn from your mistakes and try not to make them again.
We all deserve a break from being hard on ourselves. Pass this on to a friend or two – they will thank you for it.
You can read the entire UpJourney article “How to Stop Beating Yourself Up” here.
Tired of beating yourself up and ready to love yourself more? Schedule a FREE clarity call with me here and to get your first step towards becoming your best self.
by Amy Matthews | Oct 23, 2020 | Mindset |
Rage is in the air. I guess it’s no surprise that Bob Woodward’s new book is titled, Rage. Many of us are feeling it individually and collectively.
Here’s a story:
Two weeks ago I had a date with a man I recently met. On our first date, he told me he wasn’t political so on our second date, I decided I wouldn’t bring up the election. The weather was gorgeous and I wanted to enjoy an easy-breezy night out, to remind me of the carefree days of old.
A woman was sitting by herself at the table next to us. We struck up a conversation with her, chatted about where we live, art, among other things. Out of the blue, she asked: Who are you voting for?
I replied: Biden.
Then, naturally asked: Who are you voting for?
Biden, she said. She turned to my date and asked: Who are you voting for?
He said: I’m undecided.
She then said: Trump is dangerous.
Thinking I would stay out of the fray, I said: Give us an example of what you mean by dangerous?
She replied: The issue of climate change is so important for our future. I have children.
He said: I agree with you. I have kids too.
Then, he said: What did you think about the debate? I think Pence was outstanding. Kamala was horrible and so disrespectful.
Ok, now I was curious. I shared my point of view which was different than his. After a few minutes, he threw his hands up in the air and with a fierce, angry look in his eyes, said: I can’t handle this! I am out of here. His rage was palpable. He got up, paid the check, and left.
I was stunned. I thought we were having a conversation. His blowing up wasn’t about me or what I said. It quickly dawned on me that this conversation was a microcosm of what’s happening in our country.
Fast forward to this week. Three clients told me they are raging, all for very different reasons.
Rage and fear are connected. We feel rage when we are threatened or feel an injustice of some kind. When we feel we have been wronged by another person or by our current or past circumstances, it’s natural to feel fearful and vulnerable.
So what to do with your rage? Feel it, process it, understand it. Work with a coach or therapist to uncover the underlying reasons for the injustice you feel.
by Amy Matthews | Sep 11, 2020 | Blog, Mindset |
We’re living in a world of Extremes.
Extreme fires
Extreme temperatures
Extreme smoke
Extreme ash falling from the sky
Extreme shootings
Extremists everywhere
So how do we deal with such a vast range without going into fear, numbing or tuning out?
Here are a few blogs that are good reminders on how to deal.
5 Tips for Self Care
How to Feel Grateful When You Don’t
How to Deal with Uncertainty
Do your best to accept the current situation. Talk it out with family and friends. Focus on super small goals to feel a sense of accomplishment. That’s what I’m doing.
This too shall pass. #Faith.
