by Amy Matthews | Jul 14, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
I’ve been working on Radical Acceptance for the last few weeks.
It’s natural to reject what is happening in our lives if it’s not something we like. Our brains are programmed to do so. We push it away, get angry, frustrated, ‘pull a nutty’ or run for the hills. We question why, we deny, we manipulate, we negotiate. We’ll try anything before we accept.
Here are a few real struggles that my clients and friends are facing right now:
Yet ANOTHER project dumped in her lap
Leadership not listening
24/7 with spouse/partner/family
The loss of a parent
You want different things
Noise and distraction of construction (that’s mine!)
Lack of ‘breathing room’
“Independent young adults” living at home
The guy you were dating dissed you
It’s not easy to accept the current reality. It’s a process. Yet, it takes a lot more energy to resist than accept. Resisting is like a power struggle with yourself and never a win win. When I push away or reject what’s happening in the moment, it’s usually because I’m feeling vulnerable, misunderstood or not heard. How about you?
Feel your feelings. Once you do, you get to decide whether to turn your thoughts towards accepting OR keep rejecting reality. Decide what you’re committed to and let that propel you forward.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world” ~ Mathatma Ghandi
by Amy Matthews | Jun 10, 2020 | Business, Mindset |
The topic of boundaries is coming up a lot in my conversations – I MEAN A LOT. The need for setting boundaries is everywhere.
Boundaries at work, with clients, with spouses and partners with children and with friends. We know they are important, yet many of us struggle to create them. Deep in our beings, we believe if we say No, we will be rejected. Or judged. Or labeled. Or not loved. Not sought after. Or the worst of the worst, we fear we’ll be called the other B WORD. Our mental chatter takes over and sounds something like this:
If I say I can’t meet the deadline, she/he won’t be my client. If I say No, she/he/they won’t like me or will move on to someone else. If I say No, my child will rebel. If I say No, I won’t be promoted. Who am I to have boundaries, anyway?
Who are you not to have boundaries.
It’s time to let the old chatter go. There isn’t room for it in our new world. So much is being asked of us and boundaries are key. Just like essential workers have become our lifeline, boundaries are essential to our personal well being and enable us to thrive.
If you find yourself at your wit’s end without reserve in your tank, perhaps, you’re saying YES to clients when they don’t respect your schedule, or to your child because he/she didn’t get to graduate, or to friends who have a different risk factor around social distancing, or allowing others to make racist comments in your presence, or saying YES to working 14 hour days or letting your adult children ‘rule the roost’ now they are back at home.
We can’t always have things the way we want them, especially now. Saying YES is a good thing but not all the time. Freedom begins with saying NO. Boundaries allow us to have more room for ourselves and give us the freedom we crave and yearn for.
What one boundary will you set today?
My new Master Class, Rules for a Liberating Life is next Tuesday at 11am Pacific/1pm Central/2pm Eastern!
New Rules for a Liberating Life, is a 90 minute workshop where we will walk through The New Rules individually. This program is especially designed to help move out of old thinking and behaving and free you up. I will give you exercises and action steps to support moving into the most confident version of yourself. We will end with a live Q + A.
By the end of the class, you will learn to let go of the shouldas, manage perfectionism and self-doubt (and we all have it) and open up to more energy to create what you want in this new world.
New Rules to Live a Liberated Life will help you:
Feel AUTHENTIC and more grounded than ever before.
Feel you’re in the DRIVER’S SEAT of your life.
Feel RELIEF because you no longer care so much about what others think.
KNOW who and what matters in your life.
Have MORE ENERGY for yourself.
I am offering a SPECIAL BONUS for one lucky person who signs up for the class – a one hour coaching call with me. If you’ve wanted to work with me for some time but haven’t gotten around to it – here is your chance! I will draw a name from the list of attendees during the live masterclass.
by Amy Matthews | Jun 3, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
I spent much of the weekend absorbed in the news and the escalating protests across the country. I was both saddened by the events and at the same time, I know in my heart it’s been a long time coming. It wasn’t a surprise as our culture was built on patriarchy and racism. Just like any ongoing tension, the situation needed to erupt for the real truth to be brought to the surface. Only then, can change start to happen.
Late in March, well before recent events, I listened to a Goop podcast, where Layla Saad, best selling author of Me and White Supremacy, was interviewed. Her premise is it starts with us to recognize our own racism, to admit and accept that we are. I was struck by the podcast and though I didn’t buy the book and workbook at the time, I did buy it over the weekend. I hope you will join me in doing this important work, let’s do it together.
The world has changed and will continue to change. It’s a new game of life and the old rules of thinking and behaving don’t work anymore. Though it’s a decisive time, we all have things in common. We all want to feel free. We all want to feel empowered. We all want to feel good about ourselves and our contribution.
We no longer have the luxury to wallow in self-doubt, worry about the ‘shoulds’ or to not speak up for what we believe in. We need to rise up to ourselves so we can rise up for others and to do so, we need new rules that support the full expression of who we are.
In my upcoming Masterclass, Rules for a Liberating Life, I’ll dive deep into the 12 New Rules. In this 90 minute workshop, you’ll learn to incorporate these new rules into your life. I’ll give examples and exercises on how to #Breakfree from the limiting behavior that holds you back so you can embrace your authenticity, step fully into your own version of success and create a life – on your terms.
New Rules to Live a Liberated Life will help you make these shifts:
FROM Perfection…TO Accepting
FROM Judging Yourself… TO Becoming Your Own Best Friend
FROM Doing Your List… TO Doing What Brings you Joy
FROM Meeting Everyone’s Needs… TO Making Your Needs THE Priority
FROM Doubting… TO Deeply Trusting Yourself
Once you master these 12 New Rules, you’ll feel authentic and more grounded than ever before. You’ll no longer care so much about what others think. And you will know who and what matters in your life. What’s not to like?
It’s June 16th at 11am Pacific 1pm Central 2 pm Eastern. You don’t want to miss this. Learn more about the workshop and what you’ll get out of it here.
Choose rules that support living a liberated life – it’s more important than ever.
by Amy Matthews | May 28, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
I have wanted a relationship for some time. At least I say do. The truth is, I put very little focus and energy into the dating process. It’s just hasn’t been top of mind. Then COVID came along and to say the least, dating is different now.
I talked to my coach yesterday. Part of the conversation went like this:
A: What is standing in the way of me meeting my guy?
K: What do you think it is?
A: I don’t make it a priority.
K: You’re afraid to give up your independence. You have been very free. You see partnering as a compromise and it would be a big change for you.
A: So my attachment to independence is in the way of getting what I want?
K: Yep.
A: I see it clearly now. I gotta open up to a different way.
I’ve said this many times: we’re the ones in the way of what we want most. I love it was pointed out to me, it shows that I’m always learning and growing. After the conversation, I had this thought: why do I think it has to be an either or?
You can have a demanding job and feel balanced. You can have a house full of kids and feel at ease. Or in my case, you can have a committed, long-lasting relationship and feel independent, some of the time.
It’s all possible. Open up to what you want and own it.
Join me and Maia Monell, Co-founder of Nav.it for a webinar, “Embracing Vulnerability”. It’s tomorrow at 11 am Pacific/2 pm Eastern! Nav.it is a super cool financial wellness company focused on empowering millennials. You can sign up for the class here.
by Amy Matthews | May 21, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
I decided to write a blog series, ’Communication In Crisis’ due to the times we are in. Last week I wrote about how to communicate your needs and today, I’m compelled to write how to get on the same page – with your spouse, partner, friend, family member, colleague, boss, employee – or anyone else who is integral to your life.
As summer is fast approaching and states are opening up, we’re about to have more freedom than we’ve had in months. We crave it, rightfully so. I’ve had conversations with various people about this soon to be a reality and the friction it’s causing in their relationships. Here are a few examples, some related to COVID, others not.
A couple is considering summer plans. Will they go on their European trip they planned a year ago, or not? One says Yes, the other says No.
Friends have a different view of what “opening up” means. One says he/she will go to restaurants and another says he/she won’t.
A client’s son refuses to go to their vacation home for the summer with the rest of the family. Parents say no way, and he says yes way.
A client and her team develop a strategy and plan for Q3. The boss doesn’t agree with the team’s recommendation.
We all see the world through a different lens. Rose-colored, purple, blue, green, yellow, red or a combination thereof. For all relationships to foster and grow, we need to celebrate our differences and be curious and receptive to the other’s point of view. At the same time, it’s imperative to know where you stand and have the courage to communicate what you believe in – while staying open-hearted and connected.
Some level of friction is normal and healthy in any relationship. Before COVID, we used to try to finagle to get what we want. Yet, in this new normal, choose partnership and decide together, the path forward that is best for the whole.
The definition of negotiation is that both parties win. Look for the win-win in every conversation and get on the same page.
I’m excited to announce 12 New Rules for the New Paradigm! Now more than ever, it’s important to choose rules that support living a liberated life. In an upcoming workshop, I’ll dive deep into the New Rules and you’ll learn how to incorporate them into your life so you fully embrace your own version of success.
Download 12 NEW RULES FOR THE NEW PARADIGM WORKBOOK HERE
Keep an eye on your inbox for the deets of the program. Join me!
by Amy Matthews | May 13, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
Communication is one of the first things to be tossed out the window during a crisis.
Almost everyone I know has had some sort of communication snafu with a boss, spouse, partner, child, coworker or friend. Truth be told, this new situation we find ourselves in has only exacerbated problems already known. Before COVID and Shelter in Place, we could sweep an issue under the rug, put our head in the sand and pray it would go away. In this new normal, it’s more like a blinking red light. We need to stop, look both ways, listen and speak up before we proceed forward.
Much of my work is helping clients cut through mental confusion, understand their needs, stay focused, gain clarity and communicate with confidence and conviction. Clear communication and influence is the #1 skill for leaders, especially during a crisis. You’ve heard me say this before: every single person is a leader. A leader at work, with our partner, with family and friends, with pets and in our community.
Here are a few situations my clients have found themselves in:
A client moved in with her boyfriend, pre-Covid. Early on, she realized she needed more alone time than he did. We talked about how to have the conversation but at the time, she wasn’t ready and didn’t want to rock the boat. Post-Covid, with 24/7 togetherness, let’s just say her need for “space” has drastically increased.
Two of my clients work for established technology companies. They are individual contributors yet they are being asked to lead their teammates and do the job of two people. They are beyond stressed and sleep-deprived. As they prioritize their job over their own needs, self-care has also been tossed out the window.
Another client, once an empty nester, has a house full of kids again. Yet another example of how COVID has added more responsibility to our plates. More cooking, more planning, more cleaning, more emotional support, along with managing her job. She is more stressed than she’s been in years.
Can you relate to any of these stories?
None of us were given the manual titled “How to Communicate Your Needs, Especially during COVID.” Yet just like any successful relationship, communication is the key. It’s up to us to understand what our needs are and communicate them with clarity and compassion.
You don’t have to carry the whole world, family, entire company or team on your shoulders. Be willing to speak up and ask for what you need in a connected and kind way.
In response to showing up for yourself, you’ll get what you need. I promise.
