by Amy Matthews | May 13, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
Communication is one of the first things to be tossed out the window during a crisis.
Almost everyone I know has had some sort of communication snafu with a boss, spouse, partner, child, coworker or friend. Truth be told, this new situation we find ourselves in has only exacerbated problems already known. Before COVID and Shelter in Place, we could sweep an issue under the rug, put our head in the sand and pray it would go away. In this new normal, it’s more like a blinking red light. We need to stop, look both ways, listen and speak up before we proceed forward.
Much of my work is helping clients cut through mental confusion, understand their needs, stay focused, gain clarity and communicate with confidence and conviction. Clear communication and influence is the #1 skill for leaders, especially during a crisis. You’ve heard me say this before: every single person is a leader. A leader at work, with our partner, with family and friends, with pets and in our community.
Here are a few situations my clients have found themselves in:
A client moved in with her boyfriend, pre-Covid. Early on, she realized she needed more alone time than he did. We talked about how to have the conversation but at the time, she wasn’t ready and didn’t want to rock the boat. Post-Covid, with 24/7 togetherness, let’s just say her need for “space” has drastically increased.
Two of my clients work for established technology companies. They are individual contributors yet they are being asked to lead their teammates and do the job of two people. They are beyond stressed and sleep-deprived. As they prioritize their job over their own needs, self-care has also been tossed out the window.
Another client, once an empty nester, has a house full of kids again. Yet another example of how COVID has added more responsibility to our plates. More cooking, more planning, more cleaning, more emotional support, along with managing her job. She is more stressed than she’s been in years.
Can you relate to any of these stories?
None of us were given the manual titled “How to Communicate Your Needs, Especially during COVID.” Yet just like any successful relationship, communication is the key. It’s up to us to understand what our needs are and communicate them with clarity and compassion.
You don’t have to carry the whole world, family, entire company or team on your shoulders. Be willing to speak up and ask for what you need in a connected and kind way.
In response to showing up for yourself, you’ll get what you need. I promise.
by Amy Matthews | May 5, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
Over the past 5 1/2 years since I founded my company, I’ve written and talked a ton about giving ourselves permission to be, do, think and say – who and what we want. Even though it’s our birthright to express ourselves authentically, some of us poo poo it. We’ve been conditioned by society that to get what we want – whether it be love, approval or success – we need to be and act a certain way.
No wonder. Women are taught to be good girls. To not rock the boat. To be demure. To not be ‘too big’. To put others first, always. Men are taught to be good boys. To be strong. To be in charge. To not share their feelings. To Man Up.
Following these rules leads to judging ourselves because we hold ourselves to such high standards. When we judge ourselves and play the comparison game, we end up judging everyone else in our lives. Nobody wants to be on the receiving end of that.
Here are a few things I’ve heard from clients and friends most recently:
I’m ashamed I let off steam, sang and danced wildly. it’s just not appropriate.
If I am honest and candid with my boss, she will think I’m complaining.
If I speak up on zoom calls, I’m concerned I’ll come across as too direct.
I can’t express my needs to my partner. I don’t want to come across as needy.
The truth is, the rules have changed. There hasn’t been a better time to #Breakfree from the rules that trap us, keep us small, keep us quiet, keep us safe, keep us “appropriate.” The new world after COVID will demand it of us so we might as well start making permanent changes now.
It’s time to give ourselves permission to show up unapologetically. It’s time to let our authentic selves shine and share our truth. It’s time to filter out the old rules that no longer serve and replace them with new ones that bring more joy and freedom into our lives.
What rules are you giving yourself permission to throw out? I liken it to cleaning out your closet. Get rid of the stuff that no longer resonates so you have room for the new.
by Amy Matthews | Apr 15, 2020 | In-Power, Inspiration, Mindset |
We are in a transformational time. I liken it to a butterfly struggling to squeeze out of its tight cocoon. Perhaps just like the butterfly, this ‘downtime‘ is training us to strengthen our wings so we morph into expanded versions of ourselves.
What have you learned or what do you want to bring forward – once we have fewer restrictions?
Perhaps your patience and appreciation muscles are stronger. Or you have more gratitude for health and your circumstances. Or genuine kindness and compassion for everyone. Or you no longer keep up with the Joneses. Or give a hoot what others are up to on a Saturday night. Or you are committed to your own self-care. Or you have decided your job isn’t worth the sacrifice – anymore. Or that you have learned to slow down and focus on what truly matters.
Or, you are ready to spread your wings and build a life – on your own terms.
It takes courage to build a life on your terms. It takes courage to create clarity and conviction. It takes courage to stop listening to the negative voices in our heads. It takes courage to take repeated action towards what you want most. But here’s the thing: inspired action builds confidence and the more action you take, the more confidence you will have.
We get to choose whether we spread our wings and fly.
In my recent webinar, Step into Your Most Powerful Self, we had interactive conversations about letting go of what no longer serves us. We talked about how the “shoulds in life” rear their ugly head, how to live by your own rules, how to manage self-doubt, how to create a larger vision for your work in the world, and sticking with your intention, no matter what.
If you’re ready to step into
a bigger picture of success, let’s talk.
Your superabundant,
freedom-filled life awaits.
by Amy Matthews | Apr 1, 2020 | Inspiration, Mindset |
There’s a ton of uncertainty in the air right now. We’re all feeling out of sorts. We’re used to pushing forward and don’t feel we can accomplish what we want, whether it’s planning our next work event, wedding, graduation, summer vacation, signing up a new client, or landing our next coveted position.
Uncertainty leads to fear and fear constricts and limits us. The unknown is causing our stress and anxiety to go through the roof which is the last thing we need more of.
Here are a few tips to deal with our uncertain times:
Nix the Expectations. ReEnvision Your Future
Expectations, as I’ve said before, are a breeding ground for disappointment. Instead of thinking about what you thought you wanted, create a vision for your life that’s even better than you could have imagined.
Create Different Possibilities
The hardest part of uncertainty is not feeling you’re in control. But you can plan for other possibilities. Get creative, time to bring out the whiteboard! Come up with a Plan B and even a Plan C.
Exercise Your Flexibility and Resiliency Muscles
At times like these, they need a consistent workout. You are more adaptable than you think you are. You can handle more than you think you can. You can handle anything that comes your way. Yes, You Can.
Focus on What You Can Control
There are so many things we can control and do. Decide and plan your daily routine. Do your best work ever, run like you’ve never run before, hike with a friend, learn a new language, take a virtual tour, yoga or barre class.
Practice Being Present
When things get uncomfortable, our natural tendency is to resist or run away from our feelings. Look at all the things you are learning in this new normal. Do your best to fully experience what is happening right now.
Change is the only constant in life so let’s try to embrace it. We may not know exactly what the future holds but we can open up and plan for abundant possibilities.
When nothing is sure, everything is possible – Margaret Drabble
by Amy Matthews | Mar 10, 2020 | In-Power, Mindset |
We’re living in unprecedented times. We are on lockdown in the San Francisco Bay Area and are stunned how quickly this has come upon us.
When the rug gets pulled out from under us when we don’t know and feel like we have zero control, it’s natural to feel our security is at stake, it’s natural to feel vulnerable. It’s natural to feel anxious. Let’s not forget, we’re human.
Times like these call for radical discipline. Discipline of our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions. A few thoughts:
Reign in your fear, don’t let it run rampant. Pause and acknowledge it. Try not to share your anxiety with everyone. Fear is contagious so do your best to not spread it.
Manage the hoarding mentality. The media isn’t helping, I know! We will not go hungry. You are the only one who can determine how much is enough.
Think positive thoughts. Focus on all you’re grateful for. Get inspired about what you want to create next. Or your plan to pivot. Focus and inspiration are contagious too.
Get into nature and into your body. Walk, hike, online yoga, meditate. Do what makes you feel connected. Soak up the sunshine. Breathe and breathe some more.
Don’t forget humor and levity. Laughter is contagious too. I watched Stephen Colbert at 7am. Made my day!
What we focus on expands. Hunker down and choose wisely.
“Worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening. It stops you from enjoying the good.” – Author Unknown
If our current reality is getting the best of you, I can help. Book a free call with me here.
Stay healthy and spread light. #Faith.
by Amy Matthews | Mar 3, 2020 | Blog, Mindset |
Agendas, we all have them.
We were taught to create agendas, especially in our professional lives. I was at least. Agendas everywhere. Agendas for meetings, with clients, for certain outcomes. We learned that if we have a linear agenda, we would get the outcome we want. Agendas are synonymous with success.
Agendas may work in our careers but they don’t work in relationships.
When you have an agenda for a relationship, whether it’s with a friend, family member or romantic partner, you are pushing your wants, needs or fears onto the other person. Agendas are a way of trying to control the outcome. We’ve all been on the receiving end of someone who has an agenda. We can feel it. It feels like an expectation. It feels like a burden. It feels yucky.
So how to move out of the agenda trap? Ask yourself:
Am I caught up in what should happen or how it’s supposed to go? Shoulds are about expectations and will lead to disappointment, every time.
Is my primary focus to be reassured and get my needs met? Imagine you will get what you want. Take a deep breath and get present to what’s happening right now.
Am I focused on a specific outcome? Being laser focused on a goal robs us of fully engaging with the other person.
Clinging to an agenda keeps us in our heads, not in our hearts. Who wants that?
Ditch the agenda. Adios, buh-bye.
Open up to limitless possibilities, with every person, in every situation.
