11 Rules To Break To Set Yourself Free

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The Procrastination + Perfectionism Loop

The Procrastination + Perfectionism Loop

I recently had a conversation with a client and we talked about how much work he had on his plate, how he was falling behind and the anxiety he was feeling. I asked him a few questions:

Do you consider yourself a procrastinator?

Are you a perfectionist?

Have you always been this way?

I got a resounding YES from all three questions.

I said: “Procrastination always leads to feeling shitty.” He smiled and nodded his head.

80% of high achievers suffer from procrastination due to their high standards and expectations of themselves.

And, people who tend to procrastinate are more likely to be perfectionists. Perfection and procrastination go hand in hand. The truth is, it’s perfectionism that inhibits productivity.

Perfectionists believe they are loved for what they do, how they look, or for Doing It Right. I’m a recovered perfectionist but it still rears its ugly head, usually when I try really hard and don’t get the results I want.

The Perfectionism/Procrastination Loop is like being on a hamster wheel. It begins with having unrealistic standards, then fear of failure sets in, then avoidance comes next to stir up guilt and stress, which leads to thinking and feeling shitty about yourself.

if i waited for perfection, i would never right a word. Margaret atwood

Here are my 5 tips to break the perfectionism cycle:

1. Ask yourself, why do I believe I need to be perfect?
Most likely, it was how you learned to get love as a small child. Once you ask yourself, ask the question again, I bet you’ll get a different answer. You’ll recognize that you are loved for who you are – not for what you accomplish.

2. Stop second-guessing.
Doubting yourself and your actions is usually about what happened in the past. “Should I have handled the situation differently?” Start trusting yourself and the decisions you make. If you focus on what’s happening now, you can make a positive impact.

3. Release the judgment.
It only leads to a negative view of everything – yourself, situations and all the people who truly matter to you. Judgment dilutes your vitality. Instead, direct your energy into what you love and what inspires you.

4. Stop being your worst critic.
“Who are you to think less of yourself than others do? Belittling yourself is so passé. It’s time to learn to be kind and gentle with yourself.

5. Let go of unrealistic expectations of yourself and others.
Expectations only create disappointment, especially if they aren’t met. Be open to how things unfold. The outcome may be better than you imagined.

Having high standards and working hard to achieve goals is how you get ahead in life. Just don’t let it affect your happiness and those around you.

If you’re ready to maximize
your leadership potential, let’s talk.

A bigger picture of success awaits.

Schedule your complimentary 30 minute
1:1 Clarity Call with me here.

Communication is the Real Work of Leaders.

Communication is the Real Work of Leaders.

Communication and the ability to influence is the #1 skill for every single one of us. Yet often, we either don’t make it a priority, forget to share details, or avoid a conversation altogether. From my experience, it’s because we are fearful of how the other party will respond.

  • Will the person get angry?
  • Or reject us?

  • Or be hurt?

If we have our druthers, most of us would prefer to steer clear of conflict and confrontation.

It’s just human nature.

We all know how it feels to encounter someone with poor verbal communication skills. We’re left feeling confused, frustrated or even worse, disempowered. You know what I mean. Instead of being lifted up, it drags us down.

A strong leader doesn’t need to be the smartest person in the room or work longer hours than others do. What is needed is to have a high degree of emotional intelligence, and bring people together around a common goal. A strong leader must use the right words to build up their team and articulate clear goals for individuals and for the organization.

In a LinkedIn survey, Emotional Intelligence ranked in the top 5 soft skills most sought after. EQ and knowing how to communicate with influence go hand in hand. Think Yin and Yang. Or Bonnie and Clyde.

Becoming a better communicator requires being intentional in both your conversations and in writing.

Here are my 6 simple and proven communication strategies for any conversation you embark on:

1. Be Prepared – Know what you want to say ahead of time

2. Be Clear – Keep it clear and concise

3. Be Confident – be strong in your point of view

4. Be Thoughtful – speak with compassion and empathy

5. Be Grounded – eliminate distractions, stay present and listen

6. Be Open – look for synergistic outcomes

Learning how to be a good communicator is crucial for your success in business and in life. It requires focus, practice, and commitment. It can be a lifelong journey so be patient and stay the course!

Remember, speaking up is a responsibility. So, use the 6 steps to be intentional and strategic in every conversation.

I’ve helped hundreds of business professionals get clear on what they want to say and how to say it, whether it be to a boss, employee, client, colleague, partner, or friend.

If you’ve been avoiding putting off a tricky conversation, sign up for a complimentary Clarity Call with me here.

And, if you missed my LinkedIn webinar, Strategic Communication: Get the Outcomes You Want, here’s the replay:

strategic communication: get the results that you want webinar
6 Communication Strategies for Any Difficult Conversation

6 Communication Strategies for Any Difficult Conversation

Remember when we could sweep an issue under the rug, put our head in the sand and pray it would go away?

Communication and the ability to influence is the #1 skill for every single one of us. Yet when conflict arises, it’s the first thing that gets tossed out the window.

 

Here are a few situations I’ve helped my clients navigate lately:

👉 A client works for a large Silicon Valley company. He’s a top, individual contributor yet is being asked to lead his teammates and do the job of two people. He is stressed and sleep-deprived. We talked about what to say to his boss but he said she wouldn’t understand.

👉 A client runs the Americas division for a well-known corporation. A member of his team is not cutting it, he’s not focused on bringing in more revenue. We discussed what he needs to say to his employee. He still hasn’t had the conversation.

👉A client’s in-laws came to stay the night and forgot to mention they weren’t feeling well. Oops. My client’s entire family got Covid. She was livid…how dare they? We discussed how to have “the honest conversation” so something like this wouldn’t happen again. She decided to not rock the boat.

👉 Another client is in real estate. She has a partner and for the last five years, helped build a thriving business. She now wants to pursue another career and told her partner but now she is avoiding her. We discussed how to have “the honest conversation” to get back on the same page.

 

Here are my 6 simple and proven communication strategies for any difficult conversation you embark on:

1. Be Prepared – Know what you want to say ahead of time

2. Be Clear – Keep it clear and concise

3. Be Confident – be strong in your point of view

4. Be Thoughtful – speak with compassion and empathy

5. Be Grounded – eliminate distractions, stay present and listen

6. Be Open – look for synergistic outcomes

You can have a connected conversation, stand in your truth, be kind and caring – AND – get the results you want.

I have helped hundreds of professionals get clear on how to say what they want to say. whether it be to a boss, employee, client, colleague, romantic partner, or friend.

If you’ve been putting off “the difficult conversation”, book a free 30-minute clarity call with me right here.

What do you Want to Reignite in Your Life?

What do you Want to Reignite in Your Life?

I feel a sense of spaciousness in the air, do you? The 4th of July is about personal freedom, independence and celebration. It’s one of the few days of the year we all have permission to kick back, relax and leave our worries behind. There’s nothing to do except hang with friends, family and community.

Then there are the fireworks which I’m crazy about. I feel a sense of joy, wonder and excitement, every time I see them. As if I was 6 years old again. Our reactions to them are priceless – the OOHHS, AAHHS, WOWS….and LOVE that ONE!

What if we created our life the same way? Instead of “overthinking it” which is so easy to do, we approached each day with joy and anticipation, open to the element of surprise and the WOWS?

We’re halfway through 2022. Think about what you want to ignite in your life.

Perhaps it’s to:

  • Renew your sense of purpose
  • Revive your love life
  • Fuel your business or career with passion and dedication
  • Make more $$$$
  • Be more present to yourself and loved ones
  • Rejuvenate and re-energize
  • Have more sex AND sleep
  • Be committed to joy and ease
  • Prioritize your dreams
  • Have more FUN

What is it for you? 

It doesn’t have to be just one thing.

Whatever you want to create more of in your life, get clear on what it is. 

Own it. 

Be intentional about it.

Take action towards it.

Be open to the WOWS.

Trust, believe and have faith that you will manifest it.

Happy 4th!  Wishing you a freedom filled, joyful holiday and week ahead.

Own What You Want

Boundaries Create More Freedom

Boundaries Create More Freedom

Freedom is top of mind these days, on so many fronts. To boot, we celebrated
Juneteenth this weekend and July 4th 🎉  is just around the corner.

Freedom: “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without restraint.”

The very word conjures up the feeling of “Let It Rip!”

The truth is, in order to feel free, we have to set limits.

The need for boundaries is everywhere.

Boundaries at work, with clients, with spouses/partners, children, friends and even neighbors.

There will always be someone who pushes your boundaries.

I hear these issues from clients:

The boss who reaches out at all hours of the night

The CEO who demands you to be available 24/7

The controlling client who doesn’t trust you “got this”

The friend who asks for advice – on his/her schedule

The colleague who is just so…annoying

The partner who flings his “stuff” everywhere

At our core, we know boundaries are important, yet we struggle to create them. We believe if we say No, we’ll be rejected. Or judged. Or labeled. Or not loved.

Our mental chatter goes something like this:

If I say “No”, to a proposed deadline, she/he/they won’t be my client

If I say “No”, I might get fired

If I say “No”, I won’t get the promotion

If I say “No”, she/he/they will move on to someone else

If I say “No”, my child will rebel

Whatever the chatter, try to let it go.

I’m a big believer in saying YES but not all the time.

Freedom begins with saying NO.

Boundaries are essential to our personal well being and mental health. They give us the room we crave and enable us to thrive.

Take your next step towards a breakthrough on creating boundaries. Schedule a 30 minute clarity call with me here:

What breakthrough are you seeking?

High Performance – Debunked.

High Performance – Debunked.

So you are a self-professed high performer. You excel at what you do.

It’s just who you are. You’ve worked hard to cultivate a high-performing mindset. 

✔️ You’re on it and run circles around everyone

✔️ You have clarity, especially about the BIG stuff

✔️ Your work/life balance is in check 

✔️ You speak up and communicate with compassion AND conviction

✔️ You have courage – in spades 

✔️ You make sound and timely decisions

✔️ You’re comfortable in your skin and able to laugh at yourself

✔️ You even rein in your anxiety, ‘cause you know everyone has some 

✔️ You feel joy on a regular basis

 

Congratulations. You’ve made it. You have the world by the tail. Yet, there are times when you fall into traps like these that take you off your game.

✔️ Looking ‘good’ at all costs 

✔️ People pleasing

✔️ Comparing yourself to what others say, do, and have

✔️ Doing things the way you’ve always done

✔️ Striving for recognition and approval

✔️ Controlling people and outcomes

✔️ Addiction to over-doing, over-busy and over-working

A high-performing mindset IS NOT these things.

 

One minute you feel more confident than ever, the next you don’t. That recurring belief you thought you tackled YEARS AGO, rears its ugly head. You know what I mean..the belief ‘I am not good enough’. It comes back to haunt you when things don’t go your way or according to your plan, when you’re out of your comfort zone, or get feedback you don’t like. Moments ago you were feeling AWESOME but now you’re feeling sad and like a LOSER.

 

If this resonates, I got news for you. Your Identity and self-esteem are tied up in your performance. And that’s always a no-win situation.

Contrary to popular belief:

👉 You are not what you do.
👉 You are not what you accomplish.
👉 You are not what people think of you.
👉 You are not how many likes you get.

👉 You are not how much money you make.

 
To move out of the “Not Enough Syndrome”, I can help. Book a free clarity call with me below.

What breakthrough are you seeking?