7 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

by Amy Matthews | Nov 13, 2017 | 0 comments

7 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene

Sometimes I am really terrible to myself and relentlessly compare myself to other people, no matter how many times I read or hear about how good enough or lovable I am.

On an almost daily basis, I meticulously look for evidence that I am a nobody, that I don’t deserve to be loved, or that I’m not living up to my full potential.

There is generally a lot of pressure to “stack up” in our culture. We feel as if there is something wrong with us if, for example, we’re still single by a certain age, don’t make a certain amount of income, don’t have a large social circle, or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. The list could truly go on forever.

Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, I seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself.

I get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep.

The other day, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read a comment from one of my blog readers telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally. And if that one simple word was used in the intended context, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life.

I get comments like these on a pretty regular basis, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections.

Such comments also open my eyes to all the things we beat ourselves up over that don’t matter—like whether or not we look like a Victoria’s Secret model in our bathing suit, or whether or not we should stop smiling if we’re not whitening our teeth, or whether or not the hole in our lucky shirt is worth bursting into tears over.

Lately I’ve been trying harder to catch myself when I feel a non-serving, self-depreciating thought coming on. And I may let these thoughts slip at times, but that’s okay because I’m only human.

While my self-love journey is on-going, here are a few things I try to remember when I’m tempted to be mean to myself:

1. The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too.

We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure you that the people who seem to have it all do not.

When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through.

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Never Give Up

by Amy Matthews | Nov 7, 2017 | 0 comments

Never Give Up

f I could say one thing to the young people of today, it would be this: Never give up. Keep trying and pushing and struggling, even if you don’t know what your goal is or why you would want to achieve it.

As you march down the street not giving up, hold your head high and swing your elbows. People will recognize you as someone who won’t give up, and they will get out of your way. Some of them will even hide.

Some will try to discourage you. They’ll say that what you’re doing is “illegal,” or a “sin,” or a violation of the health code. They may cling to your legs, causing you to drag them along, or jump onto your back, pleading, “In the name of God, please stop what you’re doing!”

Keep going. Rest assured, they’re jealous.

“We’re not jealous, honestly,” they may say. “Just please stop!” Maybe you’ve struck a nerve.

“No, you haven’t struck a nerve,” they’ll say. “What you’re doing is just awful, and we’d like you to stop!”

Let that be your inspiration. Shake off the naysayers and trudge on, through the mud and the filth and the slime, knowing that you have a higher purpose. Remember, nobody liked van Gogh’s work, and if nobody likes yours it’s probably a sign that you’re a genius.

Look to the horizon. See that little dot? No, not that one—the one that’s even farther out. You can barely see it. Now don’t stop until you reach it. Take out your machete and hack a new path through the jungle, even if there is an old path just a few feet away. Fend off the monkeys of “good manners” and the sloths of “patience.”

We are born with the instinct not to give up. As babies, we cry and scream until we get what we want. But somewhere along the line we lose that ability. People talk us out of our crazy ideas—people who live in the so-called real world, where things “make sense.” They’ve never attempted the impossible. But you have, many, many times.

Keep pushing ahead—not in a way that seems pushy but in a way that says you won’t stop. Some people say you shouldn’t bang your head against a wall. Tell that to the woodpecker.

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What Are You Waiting For?

by Amy Matthews | Oct 31, 2017 | 0 comments

What Are You Waiting For?

We all talk about how great it will be when…

We all do it.

We talk about how great it will be when spring comes. We talk about how much we are looking forward to the holidays. We talk about what out life will be like when we finally meet “The One” (and yes, it always has to have the capital letters because they will be that AWESOME). We talk about how much better (a) we will feel (b) we will look (c) how much easier it will be when we lose that last 5 pounds (or 10).

When it comes to our kids we talk about how great it will be when they sleep through the night, start walking, start talking, or are toilet trained. We look forward to them starting kindergarten and how great it will be when they start writing their name or reading a book on their own. We can’t wait for them to learn to swim, have a sleepover or walk to the store on their own. We look forward to them learning to drive (well, maybe look forward to it is the wrong term but we are excited at the thought of not having to drive them everywhere any more).

When we were growing up we couldn’t wait to be a teenager and then as a teenager we couldn’t wait to be twenty. Thirty seemed less thrilling and after that any birthday with a zero at the end became a bit daunting.

Now, don’t get me wrong, having things to look forward to and be excited about is great, but at the same time we are missing being fully present in this moment, right now. At the same time we also put off doing the things that we love because we figure that we have plenty of time.

“I’ll go swimming when I’ve lost the weight.”
“I will start exercising next week.”
“I will start writing my book when I have more time/when I retire/in the holidays.”
“I will eat healthier when summer comes.”
“We will go to Paris when the kids leave home/graduate/when we retire.”

But here’s the thing: We are missing out.

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6 Tips to Create a Balanced Life

by Amy Matthews | Oct 10, 2017 | 0 comments

6 Tips to Create a Balanced Life

Life is a balancing act. Here’s how to get yours and all its priorities aligned.

Imagine a tightrope walker in a circus. He is on a rope suspended a few feet above the straw covered floor. His purpose is to walk the rope from one end to other. He holds a long bar in his hands to help him maintain his balance. But he must do more than simply walk. On his shoulders he balances a chair. And in that chair sits a young woman who is balancing a rod on her forehead, and on top of that rod is a plate.

If at any time one of the items should start to drift off balance, he must stop until he can get all of them in perfect alignment again—for the tightrope artist doesn’t begin until all the elements above him are aligned. Only then does he move forward, carefully, slowly, across the rope.

Life is very much a balancing act, and we are always just a step away from a fall. We are constantly trying to move forward with our purpose, to achieve our goals, all the while trying to keep in balance the various elements of our lives.

If any aspect of our life draws a disproportionate amount of energy, we have to shortchange the other aspects. That throws us off—and we are unable to move forward on life’s tightrope until a balance can be reestablished. We have to deal with any areas that are taking too much energy and put them in perspective, align them, so that we have energy available for all areas.

It’s important to understand that others cannot do this for us. No one can think, breathe, feel, see, experience, love or die for us. It’s up to us to balance all the different aspects of our lives. We just have to decide to do it.

How? What’s the first step? To stop and assess how we’re doing. To look at all the various aspects of our lives that we are constantly juggling, constantly trying to keep in balance—marriage and family, money, health, social circles, spiritual development, mental growth.

Are we able to devote ample energy to all areas? Or are we tipped to one side, unbalanced in one direction? Here’s how to balance it all out:

1. Assess your life as it is now.

Looking at ourselves as we really are is the first step in restructuring our lives. Do you feel physically exhausted, mentally stagnant or find yourself without close relationships? Would you call yourself a workaholic? Do you feel a lack of spiritual alignment? If you answer yes to any of these questions, your life is probably out of balance.

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Constantly Feel Good About Yourself Using These 3 Steps

by Amy Matthews | Sep 19, 2017 | 0 comments

Constantly Feel Good About Yourself Using These 3 Steps

It is important that you feel good about yourself.

It is important that you feel good about yourself. More and more scientific evidence points towards a significant link between how you feel about yourself and your overall health and sense of well-being. Scientists have proven that feelings of inferiority have the capacity to pave the way to illness or disease. On the other hand, if you feel good about yourself, have a positive outlook, and maintain an active involvement in life, you’re more likely to be happy and healthy.

Our emotional state can be affected by a lot of things the environment we are in, the people we are with, the weather, the food we eat, how much sleep we’ve had, and so on. Feeling insecure, incapable and inadequate once in a while is part of being human, what matters is that you are able to make yourself feel better again.

If you feel as if you are currently in a state wherein you need some help on bolstering your feelings of self-worth, here are some ideas that you may find helpful:

Step 1: Reframe your identity
If you were asked to describe yourself, what would you say? What be the first adjectives that you would come out with? Experts say that a person’s self-worth can be assessed by the first five words that he would use to answer this question. If you answer with negative adjectives, then you would need to redefine how you think about yourself. Instead of focusing on the shortfalls in your life, bring to mind things that make you special.

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